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I_Dont_Know
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 7:13pm UTC

Worst Movie Ever:
From the directors of twilight
comes the movie event of the century.
50 Shades of Grey
The Movie.
Staring: Nicolas Cage & Kristen Stewart
Sound track by: Nickelback & Justin Bieber
Sponsored by: Crocs & Internet Explorer
Iwastesomuchtime.com

👍 this is good · read the comments · 841 points

sammy*
posted a quote
August 7, 2012 2:37pm UTC

Justin Bieber: As long as you love me, we could be starving.
Niall: STARVING?! Oh no, bro. I can't live without food.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 903 points

xXxGymnasticsXxX
posted a quote
August 10, 2012 10:43am UTC

So last night, I was babysitting this little girl.
In the middle of the night, she woke me up-
And said she had a nightmare.
S o I a s k e d h e r w h a t i t w a s a b o u t , e x p e c t i n g s o m e t h i n g l i k e m o n s t e r s .
Instead, she talked about how her grandma was over and was making cookies.
T h e n h e r b r o t h e r a n d g r a n d m a r a n a w a y w i t h t h e c o o k i e s
And she was sad cause she wanted a cookie.
It was adorable.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1025 points

zubair
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 4:15pm UTC

That Awkward Moment
When you realise your fingers knows your password better than your brain.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 884 points

NerdChick0108
posted a quote
August 6, 2012 6:05pm UTC

In the US the typical school year is 180 days.
In China it's 251 days.
Well that explains everything......

👍 this is good · read the comments · 921 points

vaginiall
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 11:36pm UTC

A boy piggybacking his girl friend
Girl: I was thinking.. What if one day I get so fat you can't carry me?
Boy: Then I can get just as fat, and we can roll around together

👍 this is good · read the comments · 939 points

xxLonelyLoverxx
posted a quote
August 8, 2012 7:16pm UTC

IDGAF
I don't give away food.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 999 points

LacedRibbon
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 10:33am UTC

ME AT THE MALL
Me: *Walks into mall*
Me: Whoo, air conditioning.
Me: *Looks at mom and younger sibling*
Me: I swear to god, I'm the only teenager who has to come to the mall with there family.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: *Looks at a group of teenagers*
Me: You b/tches look like the cast of 90210
Me:
Me: I'm so jealous.
Me: *Sniff*
Me: Hollister is just around the corner.
Me: *Sniff sniff*
Me: Across from Abercrombie and fitch.
Me:
Me: I bet that whole hallway smells like teenage boys and stuck up girls.
Me:
Me:
Me: Ohhh that outfits so freakin' PRETTY.
Me: *Looks at price tag*
Me: *Walks away sadly*
Me:
Me:
Me: He's so hot.
Me: Hey Mr. Hotty
Me: *Walks a little farther away from mom*
Me: Hey Mr. Hot hotty hot stuff hot guy hot like chilly peppers
Me: *Attempted wink turns into awkward blinking*
Me: Oh you have a girlfriend.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Forever alone.
Me: *Walks into store with family*
Mom: Oh, this looks like a lovely shirt! Do you like it? *Holds up hideous blouse*
Me: No, mom.
Mom: But its-
Me: No.
Me: *Walks out of store*
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Ohh forever21
Me: *peaks in store*
Me: Too many teenage girls that are prettier than me.
Me: Too jelous.
Me: ABORT ABORT ABORT.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: Ooh, smells like pretzels and cinnamon.
Me: But thats how they get you.
Me: Put that obnoxious smell out in the air so it'll make you come in.
Me: ... It's like Hollister..
Me: But with pretzels.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: *Walks into build-a-bear*
Me: *Builds a bear*
Me: I'm gonna call you Ted
Me: *Hugs bear*
Me: Just know that in a couple of weeks you'll probably be under my bed in a pile of lint.
Me:
Me:
Me: *Sees group of teenagers*
Me: *Gives bear to mom to save the embarrassment of walking around with a teddy*
Me: Sorry Ted.
Me: It's not me, it's you.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me: *Makes eyecontact with girl*
Me: B/tch I hate you.
Me: Fall off a cliff.
Me: *Walks farther away from girl*
Me: I'm so jealous of her, she's so pretty.
Me:
Me:
Me:
Mom: We should be going home now.
Me: I didn't even get anything.
Mom: WELL HURRY UP AND GET A SHIRT.
Me: *Hurries in random store and grabs lipgloss and a pair of earrings*
Mom: This is all you want?
Me: Yeah
Mom: *Buys stuff*
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Me:
Santa Claus:
The queen of England:
Pencil:
Shoelace:
Banana:
Bob Marley:
Me: I'm pathetic.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1205 points

subtlysam
posted a quote
August 7, 2012 2:34pm UTC

Drake & Josh
Josh: Which locker do you think is Megan's?
Drake: Gee, I don't know, maybe it's that one she's standing in front of putting books into!
Josh: You know, sometimes your sarcasm hurts!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 971 points

yourcool
posted a quote
August 9, 2012 3:54pm UTC

just remember, if we get caught;
you are deaf and i don't speak english.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1104 points

cheerfreakk
posted a quote
August 6, 2012 9:35pm UTC

when i'm older i shall
open a classic rock-themed
pizza shop & i shall call it
another one bites the crust.
nmf/nmq

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1034 points

maaddiissoonn
posted a quote
August 6, 2012 12:44pm UTC

Before my Shower:
I don’t want to get in .
During my Shower:
I don’t want to get out.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1007 points

momentsinlife
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 10:47pm UTC

*at resteraunt*
sign: no shirt, no shoes, no service
me: *whispers" heeeey... moooom
mom: what.
me: *still whispering* we dont have to wear pants
mom: shut up. youre embarassing me.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1035 points

alwaysdreambigx
posted a quote
August 6, 2012 8:16pm UTC

If it actually started raining men I think I’d just start crying and
be really terrified and not leave my house and just curl up into a ball
and pretend I couldn’t hear the slamming of bodies falling upon my roof
under no circumstances would I think “hallelujah”

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1069 points

Pluto*
posted a quote
August 6, 2012 4:05pm UTC

*Me Playing With My Cat*
Me: Who's a little adorable kitty? You are! Yes, you are! I could just eat you up cause' you're so damn cute. Do you know that? I bet you don't, you adorable bundle of fluffy cotton!
Cat: Meow... *bites me*
Me: OW, YOU LITTLE SH*T! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?
*Five Minutes Later*
Me: Oh, you're so cute. Who's my fluffy boyfriend? You are, my little fluffy kitty boyfriend.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1109 points

xxLonelyLoverxx
posted a quote
August 8, 2012 6:16pm UTC

I don't stalk,
I investigate.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1217 points

CustardKid
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 2:23pm UTC

Isn't it funny..
How one song can reduce you to tears?
How one text can make your whole day?
How one look from your friend can leave you in histerics?
How one picture can bring back a thousand memories?
Isn't it funny..

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1078 points

Pluto*
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 4:06pm UTC

*Human Logic*
Person: Ahh, finally ready to sleep.
Person: I think I'll just stick my leg out cause' it's kinda hot.
Person: *Sticks leg out*
Person: But a murderer might get me and kill me...
Person: *Sticks leg back in* There, I'm all tucked in.
...
Murderer: ...
Murderer: Oh crap. I can't kill that dude now. He's all tucked in.
Murderer: Guess I'll just have to check out another house.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1115 points

vaginiall
posted a quote
August 5, 2012 8:37pm UTC

click to see this quote

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I_Dont_Know
posted a quote
August 6, 2012 5:18pm UTC

IMAGINE THIS:
YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
What do you do?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 1144 points

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