Anthropophobia's Favorites

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 7:52pm UTC

If humans are like 70% water
and we drink water, does that make us cannibals?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 115 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 7:58pm UTC

"Hey, did you ask yet?"
"No, my mom's in a bad mood."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 115 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 20, 2013 8:08pm UTC

I wrote a song about a tortilla.
Actually, it's more of a wrap.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 191 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 4:54pm UTC

Relationships would be a lot
easier if they came with a 'Clear History' button.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 98 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:39pm UTC

A friend of mine asked me if
I'm going to her wedding. I said, "No, I'll catch the next one."
She's mad at me now.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 221 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:45pm UTC

If I were the guy who made
the "Where's Waldo" books, I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn't there.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 319 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:56pm UTC

Seriously, what's with the "Duck
Face"? Did some random, beautiful, popular girl, just think: "Holy fuc/k, I'm so beautiful and popular that I'm going to pretend to be a duck." like what

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 102 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 27, 2013 5:09pm UTC

I hope I can still remember the
dance to 'Thriller' when I become a zombie.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 187 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 1, 2013 7:26pm UTC

I wonder if Earth makes fun
of other planets for having no life.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 169 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 1, 2013 7:32pm UTC

When I was younger, I thought
that the whole world was black and white when there were old TV shows

👍 this is good · read the comments · 112 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 7:13pm UTC

I'm so good at sleeping,
I can do it with my eyes closed.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 57 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 7, 2013 7:22pm UTC

Every 60 seconds in Africa,
a minute passes.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 153 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 9, 2013 2:00pm UTC

Here, take this medicine so
that you can die in a completely different way.
-Prescription drug commercials

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 79 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 9, 2013 2:17pm UTC

I named my dog "5 Miles" so
I could tell people I walk 5 miles everyday.
Oh, who am I kidding? I don't even do that.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 92 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 6:45pm UTC

So you like bad girls, huh?
Well then, you'll love me because I'm bad at everything.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 172 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 7:12pm UTC

What if the birds aren't singing
and they're screaming because they're afraid of heights

👍 this is good · read the comments · 87 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 11, 2013 7:24pm UTC

Back in the day, it was called
daydreaming. Now it's called ADHD.

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 168 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 18, 2013 4:13pm UTC

I want rich people problems.
Like where to park my yacht.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 168 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 22, 2013 4:33pm UTC

The newscaster is the person
who says "good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 76 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 22, 2013 4:39pm UTC

Boy: Would you like to have dinner some night? *winks*
Me: Oh, I like to have dinner every night.
Me: *suductively licks lips*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 113 points

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