theres so many things running through my mind everyday when it comes to you. when it comes to putting you first for everything i did, thinking og you when you didn;t think of me putting my life on the line for someone that isnt oging to be there in the end idk how to feel anymore. idk who to talk to about anything because no one really cares to listen, they just wait to talk and tell me to move on but idk how to, idk how it got this far, idk why i love you somuch. i don't even think its love anymore because this hurts so much all the time. idk how i got this way idk why i can't stop hurting. idk why it wont go away or how to make it go away, i can;t stop thinking of how sad i am all the time and i cant stop cryng. i just want to cry all the time. i try so hard to hold it in in public and i cant wait to get home and just cry for the rest of the day. i put everything i ahd into something that isn't going to work. why do i have to go through this, idk how to put myself back together and stop crying i wish i could,  try to distract myself but i cant. is this what depression is? because i cant even handle it. like i really cant get over how hurt i am all the time, how people can just hurt you over and over and over again like you never even mattered to them. i wish i wasnt here anymore and i could leave and forget everyone around me because i cant be happy anymore, i don;t know how to focus anymore i don't care anymore. i cant stop crying. i just wish i could stop crying. idk how i got so deep because i cant get out.  cant even see the top anymore, i just feel like im going deeper and deeper down the hole and i'll never get out.