You guys have no idea .. i cant do this anymore . I tried to convince myself to be positive and get over eveything but i cant . everythngs weighing me down and i snapped a couple weeks ago and .. i cant pretend anymore . I've been pretending so others wouldnt be effected by me so i could make other people happy ... but im sick of breaking down .. like right now .. I feel so alone and im balling .. i cant do deal with this anymore . i want this pain to go away and even positivity doesnt help . im starting to keep to myself because i always do everything wrong .. no this isnt fake .. this is very very real .. & im stuck .. its like a black hole that sucked me in .. a long time ago .. stop the pain . thats my main goal .. but i dont know how and its killing me .. inside and out .