When God wrote
the Ten Commandments,
Chuck norris was not yet born.
These are what he wrote:
ONE: 'You shall have no other
gods before Me.'
TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any
likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the
earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.'
THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in
vain.'
FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.'
FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.'
SIX: 'You shall not murder.'
SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.'
EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'
NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your
neighbor.'
TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not
covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female
servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your
neighbor's.'
Once Chuck was born,
God revised the Commandments to this:
ONE: 'You shall have no other
gods before Me.'
'No Gods come before me, and none
come after Chuck Norris'
TWO: 'You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any
likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the
earth beneath, or that is in the water under the
earth.'
'No images of angels, gods, devils, or any other divine or
demonic being shall be allowed. Chuck Norris is not considered
divine, as he has not entered heaven yet. Images of him
allowed. If it is good, you will definitly be allowed in
Heaven.'
THREE: 'You shall not take the name of the LORD your God
in vain.'
'If you use my name in vain, Chuck will roundhouse you, causing
you death. You
will then be sent to the devil, Satan.'
FOUR: 'Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it
holy.'
'On Sunday, the Sabbath, come to church, go home, watch
a Chuck Norris Film,
and visit his grave once he has passed into heaven.
FIVE: 'Honor your father and your mother.'
'Honor your mother and father as if they were Chuck'
SIX: 'You shall not murder.'
'You shall not
roundhouse-kill anyone, as this is stealing Chucks special
gift'
SEVEN: 'You shall not commit adultery.'
'Every unmarried women is Chucks. Any married women shall pretend
their husband
is Chuck.'
EIGHT: 'You shall not steal.'
'Stealing
will result in Chuck riding up and roundhousing you.'
NINE: 'You shall not bear false witness against your
neighbor.'
'Chuck knows when you are gossiping. You
do that, you will never be able to look,
hear, or think about the name Chuch Norris, or his movies, fans,
and other property.'
TEN: 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house;
you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant,
nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything
that is your neighbor's.'
'You do not live
next to Chuck, and Chuck is the only one you
should envy, therefore, do not envy your real neighbor's
things.'
