Tick-Part One

I felt my chest clench first. That's always how it starts. I felt the pressure as my heart sped, my breath trying to fight against it. Trying to calm down my brain. But it's too late at this point. My mind is racing, reminding myself of all of the things I've ever done that were embarrasing. That time in gym when I couldn't keep up. That boy who caught me staring. My body curled into a fetal positon. When my friend to me to stop texting her. My breath got faster. When my sister called me a freak for sitting in my room by myself. I was on the verge of tears at this point. Stop, I told myself. Just stop thinking, you aren't making any of these situations better. Stop. Stop. Stop. I commanded. I felt my chest begin to loosen, my breathing getting slower, and slower. I turned to look at the clock on my bedside table. 4:54 a.m. Jesus, I was going to be exhausted for swim team practice tomorrow! I sighed and rolled over, trying to think of happy things so I would have to be possessed again tonight. That's what I call it, "possessed". Because I feel like I'm totally out of control. Like someone else is making me do the things I do; say the things I say. Shhh, my brain said to me. Sleeeeeep. So I tried.