i could say it twice

11.5

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"Alright, alright. I get it. I get what you're saying. But just so you know, not a day goes by when I don't regret the way I treated you. Not an hour. Not a minute, nor a second. Every day, I'm constantly being eaten away by the guilt and the self-loathing and anger at myself all because of what I did to you. I hate myself. I hate myself more than you hated me. I hate myself so much, that I want to kill myself. I want to. I don't even have any reasons why I shouldn't." I try to interject, but he holds up a finger. "I said, well what about Delaney? Won't she miss me? And then I said no. I'd be doing her a favor. I despise myself. I detest my past. The reason I love you so much, is because there is not a drop of love that I have for myself, and I give it all to you. I see no reason why you don't deserve this love, but I have every reason why you don't deserve it from me. You deserve it from somone better. Someone who didn't almost-" he grimaces. "Take your life. I'm so so so sorry to you, that the only emotions as great as my regret is the hate I have for myself and the love I have for you."I'm stunned at first, but then I'm mad."So... the only reason you love me is because you have no love for yourself, and you need someone to love?""No, no. I... it's... it's hard to explain." He sighs."Fine. Well, you have my sympathy. I actually feel bad for you. You've done so many awful things that I don't actually know how you could even live with yourself. I even know how you feel though, hating yourself so much you want to kill yourself. I know, trust me. But, before you take what I just said to the grave, ending it tonight because of what I said, listen: I forgive you." I can barely believe what I just said. But I do. I do forgive him. I feel bad for him. Because I've pretty much healed - I never fully will, though - from what he did to me. But he's the one who has to live with causing someone so much pain for the rest of his life. The thing I was ashamed of now is gone."You shouldn't. I don't deserve it." he says bitterly."Everyone does." I tell him. "Even you. Now accept my forgiveness."
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO feedback/fave/followheyyy! I'm back! fun week omg aiudfhawe I got a wattpadddddddd. (: payitforwardI haven't started a story yet, but I will after I finish dis wan.aniwai, erm. erm. oh ya, nice long chapta, so enjoy. very emotional. wah wah.