confession :

oh hey, i decided today that i need to vent. so two years ago i fell for this guy. lets just call him by his middle name, michael. well i was best freinds with michael for like a year. then i asked him out but he said no. but i only fell for him even worse so i asked him again a couple weeks later via note. on the last day of school, he handed me a note right before he got on his bus. it said. "remember that note? well yes." so then we hung out all summer. i loved him so much. i always talked about him. we dated for a year and were inseperable. one day he randomly texted me and said that he just wanted to be freinds. when i asked him why, he told me that he never really loved me and it was all a lie. but how could someone spend so much time with me and be faking the whole time. let me tell you, a kiss like his takes real feeling. when i sat ther elooking at his texts i noticed that his signiture in the last texts wasnt my name, it was (middle name) i <3 maria. later that week my friend "taylor" and i were hanging out with her boyfriend who was close with michael. i asked him and he tol dme that michael and maria had been going out for two weeks. but michael had dumped me only a week before. i was so devastated that he cheated on me. i started cutting myself and wearing all black. i starved myself and listened to "emo" music. my amazing friends helped me through it all.  me and michael hated eachother for a while, but we got over it and became friends again. through all this i never stopped loving him. but for two months now ive been dating another boy, "doug". and my best friend "jade" is SO falling for michael. they almost went out but then they got in a huge fight and now he hates her. now he and another girl "alex" slow danced at the last school dance, and he told me he might ask her out. i dont hate alex, shes a nice girl, i dont want to hurt her. and i DEFINETLY dont want to take jades chances with michael away. i would never want to hurt doug, or his friendship with michael. and i dont even think michael cares about me or wants me back at all, but i love him. he will always be my first love.
SOMEONE PLEASEEE HELP ME? if you read it all, i LOVE you.