Jay's Blue

chapter eleven;; by day

After the night at Laura's, where I had honestly considered throwing myself into the large body of water and letting myself sink to the lowest depths, it seemed normal. Everything does. Nothing changes anymore - I don't really speak to Alex about you now, I've refrained from giving the metal the satisfaction of my flowing blood, I've made so many promises. Can I keep them? I don't know.

We've returned to school now. Year eleven, here we come. I get to school early with Rachel, and we sit in our usual place. The school seems empty, so empty. Nobody is here. It's so quiet now. Like a graveyard at midnight, all the corpses resting peacefully in the ground. The quadrangles are so desolate - birds twittering in hidden nests, grass swaying gently in a mild morning breeze, the sun beating down softly upon our heads. If it wasn't school, it would be heaven.

The animated morning of our first day begins soon enough, shattering the graceful silence. I can see you, walking to your friends, grinning and happy to be here. I bite my lip and turn away, hoping you haven't seen me do so. My friends demand my attention, regaling all of our group with tales of their holidays. I cannot concentrate, for you are on my mind once more - after a week of being without your presence. My heart is drumming up a storm in my chest cavity, my skin is becoming clammy, my breaths are coming out shaky and my hands are shaking violently.

How do you make me feel this way?

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Chapter eleven. Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.