Jay's Blue

chapter ten;; night conversation

I lie awake, listening to the pair of you mumbling and giggling to one another. I cannot sleep, for tears are filling up my eyes, burning me with the salty hurt and anger within them. Of course you'd choose her.

It is a Tuesday night. The five of us - you, me, Alex, Laura and Ben - we organised to stay the night at Laura and Ben's. The twins don't mind; they wanted us over. After watching a multitude of horror movies, playing poker, just talking, all but the three of us are asleep. You think I sleep, but I've fooled so many people in so many ways before. It's just routine for me now.

I can hear the awe in your voice. It pains me, right down to my very core. I feel the streaking lightning of hurt filling me, electrocuting me with it's intensity. I cover my mouth, trying to disguise my shuddering breaths from your ears so late into the night.

I cannot take it anymore. I stand, making the pair of you jump, and I walk onto the pier. You don't follow. My feet are bitten with cold, my hands are numb and the frosty wind is freezing my tears to my skin. They cling at the remaining warmth until I angrily remove them, cursing myself for showing such a weakness.

I walk to the end of the pier, feet bare, and I stand on the edge, arms wrapped around my torso, staring down into the depths of the dark water. I can see tiny streaks of light beginning on the horizon, in the far distance, but I couldn't care less. I close my eyes as more tears escape their confinement. My mouth opens, and I sing a song for the love I feel.

The pain slowly fades to a dull pinprick. I only wish the love I feel would do the same.

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Chapter ten. Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.