i don't know what to do anymore... i really just wanna feel like me again. this is tearing me apart.

okay, so i started dating my boyfriend lets call him josh, a few days ago and i kinda like him... well i thought i did. *(name change)

but then i started thinking about my old crush/hookup/flirtbuddy that i really like...still. lets call him jason. hes older then me, and he likes this other girl that lives kinda far away (were neighbors & hes my bestfriend's older brotherr)i

 
  i dont know what to do. i mean do i stay with my boyfriend? i'd perfer to be single. but josh has ALWAYS been there for me. through like everything. and jason kinda ignores it, i mean he knows i used to cut... and ive attempted suicide before... but then again it isnt his problem. i like jason more then josh, but josh will be there for me... and i cant promise that jason will. 

 please comment if you can give me some advice...