Behind These Hazel Eyes
Chapter 1- The Past Is The Past
I used to be happy. I used to smile all the time, a real smile. Then in grade 9 it all went downhill. That year I hit rock bottom.
My life used to be perfect. I had the perfect best friend, her name was Kailee. She was so pretty, easily the prettiest girl in school. We hung out everyday until the day I came home to see a note from her taped to my front door. The words still stuck in my head like it was yesterday:
Ashley,
You're the best friend a girl could ever ask for, but i just can't deal with this anymore. Don't even bother looking for me, it doesn't matter, nothing matters anymore. Just know that none of this is your fault. You were the only good part of my my life. I'm so sorry. I'll miss you forever. BFFL.
Kailee. xo. <3
That was the day that it all started. I cut myself that day, I didn't want it to bleed a lot, just enough to feel some of the pain that Kailee must have felt. We all know that nothing ever goes as planned, I didn't think it was a very deep cut until the blood started flowing out of my wrist.
I couldn't bring myself to eat after she died. I became anorexic until my parents made me start eating again, which is when i decided to try becoming bulimic. I loved the feeling it gave me, being able to eat anything and then puke it up and feel so much better about yourself after.
At the time i had, what i thought to be, the best boyfriend ever. His name was Caleb, but once we got more serious he started abusing me mentally and physically. He lowered my self esteem by a ton and told me i was fat which didn't help with my bulimia. He just wanted to get into my pants, that's all he was with me for. I started crying myself to sleep, wondering if anyone really cared about me. Nobody even noticed the bruises he left, i felt worthless and wondered if i would ever get out of this horrible nightmare.
Everything got to me, and my mom leaving pushed me over the top. I tried committing suicide the night she left, but i couldn't go through with it, for one reason and one reason only, Brett.
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