Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

azngirly

  1. xloveOMDx xloveOMDx
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2009 2:29pm UTC
    OMG SO FUNNY u have to read the WHOLE thing.. made me laugh soo hard
    A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Mom' . With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
    Dear Mom,
    It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad.
    I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...... Mom she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
    Love,
    Your son, Jonathan
    P. S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.
    I love you.(Call me when it's safe to come home.)

  2. trashyblondesxbrattybrunetts trashyblondesxbrattybrunetts
    posted a quote
    February 28, 2009 10:31pm UTC
    She said she wanted to get high, He took her to the tallest
    hill in town. She said that she wanted to stay up all night
    and drink, He gave her a twelve-pack of caffeinated Pepsi
    and said, “Drink up.” She said that she wanted to shoot
    herself in the face, He gave her a water gun, put her
    finger on the trigger, aimed it at her face and helped her pull
    the trigger. She said that she wanted to cut herself, He took
    a Polaroid picture of her, handed it to her along with
    scissors, and had her cut it up. She said she wanted to
    cry herself to sleep, He had her watch a sad, romantic
    movie before bed. She said that she wanted to be alone,
    He gave her a name tag that said, “My name is: Alone.” She
    said that she wanted to have someone there to take care of
    her always, He asked when he wasn’t.

  3. softball42796 softball42796
    posted a quote
    February 19, 2009 10:56am UTC
    Some Stupid Celeb Quotes
    "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
    -Brooke Sheilds
    "The internet is a great way to get on the net."
    -Bob Dole (Republican Presidantial Canidate)
    "You guys, line up alphabetically by height."
    - Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
    "I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
    - Britney Spears
    "I think war is a dangerous place."
    - George W. Bush
    "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
    - Greg Norman, Golfer
    "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
    -Mariah Carey
    "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"
    -Arnold Schwarzenegger
    "Half this game is ninety percent mental."
    - Danny Ozark, Philedelphia Phillies Manager
    "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."
    - Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer
    "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa"
    — Britney Spears
    "Food is an important part of a balanced diet."
    - Fran Lebowitz, US writer
    "If only faces could talk..."
    - Pat Summerall, Sportscaster, during the Super Bowl
    If it wren't for electricity, we'd all be watching TV by candlelight."
    -George Gobel
    "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
    - Charles De Gaulle, former French President
    No need to faveorite, I just thought they were hysterical!

  4. XxJessxisxherexX XxJessxisxherexX
    posted a quote
    February 17, 2009 6:07pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  5. blubb blubb
    posted a quote
    February 21, 2009 9:57pm UTC
    C H I L D R E N
    You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
    them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years
    telling them to sit down and shut-up.
    hehe found on website.


  6. posted a quote
    January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
    This quote does not exist.


  7. posted a quote
    January 1, 1970 12:00am UTC
    This quote does not exist.

  8. hyperhottie8 hyperhottie8
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2008 5:54pm UTC
    click to see this quote

  9. MissLollipopx0x0 MissLollipopx0x0
    posted a quote
    September 19, 2008 4:14am UTC
    24 facts about a girl.When you break her heart - [ the pain NEVER really goes away ]When she misses you - [ she's hurting inside ]When she says its over - [ she STILL wants you to be hers ]When she reposts this bulletin - [ she wants you to read it ]When she walks away from you mad - [ Follow her]When she stare's at your mouth - [ Kiss her ]When she pushes you or hit's you - [ Grab her and dont let go ]When she start's cursing at you - [ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]When she ignore's you - [ Give her your attention]When she pulls away - [ Pull her back ]When you see her at her worst - [ Tell her she's beautiful ]When you see her start crying - [Just hold her and dont say a word ]When you see her walking - [ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]When she's scared - [ Protect her ]When she lay's her head on your shoulder - [ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]When she steal's your favorite hat - [ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]When she tease's you - [ Tease her back and make her laugh ]When she doesnt answer for a long time - [ reassure her that everything is okay ]When she looks at you with doubt - [ Back yourself up with the TRUTH]When she say's that she like's you - [ she really does more than you could understand ]When she grab's at your hands - [ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]When she bump's into you - [ bump into her back and make her laugh ]When she tells you a secret - [ keep it safe and untold ]When she looks at you in your eyes - [ dont look away until she does ]rate high if you agree

  10. Jonasluver153 Jonasluver153
    posted a quote
    August 27, 2008 3:23pm UTC
    Do you remember when... Toon Disney was life?Pinky promises were never broken? you werent made fun of because you had an imagination? the only thing you ever wanted was a pony? the best comeback you could think of was “stupid head” ?you were going to marry your best friend? you had a family every time you played house? the only thing you could get high off were the swings? Stuffed animals were our best friends? Britney Spears was HUGE? When boys had cooties? i remember.. Rate highh. ;p

  11. xoGAMERCHICKx3 xoGAMERCHICKx3
    posted a quote
    August 27, 2008 12:48pm UTC
    i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my make-upi have freckles.i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my strengthi have sensitivity.i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my smilesi have tears.i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my honestyi have lies.i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my shynessi have peronsality.i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my insecurityi have confidence.i bet he doesn't know that underneathe my hearti have him. i love him, and he doesn't have a clue.

  12. JoeJonasaddiction JoeJonasaddiction
    posted a quote
    August 27, 2008 3:03pm UTC
    Boy:I have to tell you something...Girl: No wait, me first. Boy: No. This is important.Girl: It can wait. *thinks, "OMG he is so hot when he is clueless*Boy: It really cant. *thinking: Wow, she is hot when shes impatient.*Girl: Fine, make it quick.Boy: Well, I kinda sorta maybe *wispers* loveyougirl: What??? Your kidding.Boy: No I'm serious. But its ok, I will just go back to loving you from afar.Girl: No, Wanna hear what I have to say?Boy: shuree.Girl. Iloveyoutoo. *Boy kisses girl and girl kisses back*Rate high if this is your fantisy too.

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2024 Witty Profiles