Witty Profiles

austin72004

1. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 8:26pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Uncle Mark
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a Jar of Nothing (It's what he asked for)
   
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2. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 8:25pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Uncle Ric
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a Air Force Teddy Bear That Sings "Wild Blue Yonder"
   
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3. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:34pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Aunt B
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a T-Shirt That says "I'm The Fun AUNT, just ask Austin and Adam"
   
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4. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:31pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Aunt Ann
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a Sparkling Holiday Fingernail Ary Set
   
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5. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:27pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Grandpa Roy
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a T-Shirt that says "T.G.I.F. (This Grandpa is Fabulous)"
   
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6. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:24pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Grandma Shirley
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a Dancing Musical Santa (with Saxophone)
   
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7. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:22pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Grandma Betty
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a T-Shirt that says "I Will Call Bingo B4 You Do!"
   
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8. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:19pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Bryar
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a T-Shirt that says "I'm Left-Handed. What is your SUPER POWER?"
   
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9. austin72004
   posted a quote
   November 20, 2011 7:17pm UTC
   My Christmas List
   To: Baylie
   From: Me
   For Christmas I want to Give you a Snowman Necklace
   
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10. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2011 7:13pm UTC
    My Christmas List
    To: Me
    From: Me
    For Christmas I want to Give you a I Still Believe Long Sleeve T-Shirt
    
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11. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2011 7:07pm UTC
    My Christmas List
    To: Adam
    From: Me
    For Christmas I want to Give you Coal
    
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12. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2011 7:05pm UTC
    My Christmas List
    To:Dad
    From:Me
    For Christmas I want to give you a Duck Tape Necktie and Mug.
    
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13. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2011 6:57pm UTC
    My Christmas List
    To: Mom
    From: Me
    For Christmas I want to Give you a Flashing Holiday Jewelry Set
    
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14. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2011 3:19pm UTC
    Some Peo ple are like Slinkies
    they're really good for nothing
    ...but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
    
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15. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 10, 2011 3:28pm UTC
    Suicidal Deer
    Today, in literature class, my teacher told a story... about suicidal deer.
    He said that once he was driving down the road,
    and a deer jumped out of nowhere and hit his bumper.
    Then, another deer jumped over the dead deer as if, "Hey! I can make it!"
    It hit his winshield, its butt went through the glass, and his tongue was sticking out like, "Uggghhhhhhhh!!!!!"
    Meanwhile, the deer managed to remove itself, he drove to work. He worked at the alternative school.
    The winshield had fur, broken glass, and blood on it.
    One of his students proceeded to ask, "Hey, Mr. L*, did your girlfriend get mad at you?"
    He then said, "Why do hunters bother being quiet in the woods? Just run at them with two flashlights like car headlights, and they'll run right to you! But it was like they were waiting in the bushes, and they saw my car, and they were like, 'Let's get him!'"
    Moral of the Story?
    Deer are stupid.
    
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16. austin72004
    posted a quote
    November 10, 2011 3:19pm UTC
    \\\\\\\\\\Stupid Questions Asked in Literature Class://////////
    ~Is Mexico really another country?
    ~Is England really an island??? ~If you jump out of a plane, will you land in clouds?
    ~What do you mean? England and Britain AREN'T two different countries?
    ---------- ~Can you sail to England? ----------
    
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17. austin72004
    posted a quote
    October 28, 2011 1:31pm UTC
    MAN!!!!!! THIS SONG IS SO LONG!!!!!
    Oh.... I had it on Repeat
    
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18. austin72004
    posted a quote
    October 28, 2011 9:02am UTC
    You Know You're Too Stressed if...
    Relatives that have been dead for years come visit you and
    suggest that you should get some rest.
    *
    You can achieve a "Runners High" by sitting up.
    *
    You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that
    you have said it before.
    *
    The Sun is too loud.
    *
    Trees begin chasing you.
    *
    You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
    *
    You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an IV drip solution
    of espresso.
    *
    You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption
    of coffee.
    *
    You can hear mimes.
    *
    You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
    *
    Things becomes "Very Clear".
    *
    You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
    *
    You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that
    you have said it before.
    *
    You begin speaking in a language that only you and Channelers
    can understand.
    *
    The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
    *
    You keep yelling "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" even though you are
    the only one in the room.
    *
    Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
    *
    You and Reality file for divorce.
    *
    You can skip without a rope.
    *
    It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
    *
    You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe, and
    Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before
    the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
    *
    You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that
    you have said it before.
    *
    You can travel without moving.
    *
    Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
    *
    You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
    
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19. austin72004
    posted a quote
    October 28, 2011 8:57am UTC
    You Know You're a Redneck When... Part 3
    Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand..
    You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer
    quota..
    You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip
    on the side..
    The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart..
    Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV..
    You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler..
    You've used your ironing board as a buffet table..
    You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart..
    Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
    brings you home..
    A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
    improvement..
    You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher..
    You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty..
    You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph..
    Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
    take them out to see what it is.
    *Jeff Foxworthy*
    
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20. austin72004
    posted a quote
    October 28, 2011 8:45am UTC
    You Know You're a Redneck When... Part 2
    You think a subdivision is part of a math problem..
    You've bathed with flea and tick soap..
    You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog..
    Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell..
    You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture..
    You took a fishing pole to Sea World..
    You go to the stock car races and don't need a program..
    You know how many bales of hay your car will hold..
    You have a rag for a gas cap..
    Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas
    dinner..
    Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does..
    You can spit without opening your mouth..
    You consider your license plate personalized because your father
    made it.
    *Jeff Foxworthy*
    **
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points

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