I'mNotOkay*

Status: Alone. Lost. Broken.

Member Since: 7 Apr 2013 04:45pm

Last Seen: 6 Oct 2014 12:33am

Birthday: November 29

Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Gender: F

user id: 356104

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Hi!. The song Would it Matter by Skillet is what I based this account on(yes it would matter if you werent around tomorrow I would miss you). I'm a dancer and I play baseball (not softball). I live at Hogwarts during the school year and Narnia during the summer ;). I absolutly love Skillet(Not thier religious stuff), Sleeping With Sirens and Black Veil Brides plus like a billion other bands like these . Btw I have a second account (okay technically first) but I want a fresh start on a new account, I still use both accounts, anyways I'm depressed and suicidal and I have issues but always remember you're perfect the way you are, you're beautiful, and always always alwaysremember I love you. Dont you forget that. I'm here if you EVER need/want to talk

Ignore my face, I dont take very many photos of myself so none of my pics are very good

.

afraid to be different// scared to fit in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

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My story! "Where Are You?"
Prologue- http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6841039
Chapter one (part one) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6841804
Chapter one (part two) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6842702
Chapter two (part one) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6844229
Chapter two (part two) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6850666
Chapter three (part one) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6852289
Chapter three (part two) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6852595
Chapter three (part three) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6856928
Chapter three (part four) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6856930
Chapter four (part one) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6858261
Chapter four (part two) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6858265
Chapter four (part three) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6880219

Story updates! (Answered questions/info about the story)
1st (100th quote!!!!!) http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6842967
2nd http://www.wittyprofiles.com/q/6850666

My favorite nine year old eva! (AKA my lil bro) My world <3 My cat <3

My girls and I (I'm the dork with the fake glasses)

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
January 16, 2014 5:58pm UTC

Les Miserables <3
nuff' said

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
December 26, 2013 4:29pm UTC

Hey guys! I know I'm not on very often anymore and I'm soo sorry idk if ill be on any more than usual but im gonna try. I miss talking to you guys! Lemme know what you've been up to lately!

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
November 15, 2013 9:12pm UTC

ugh you know that feeling where you want someone SO BAD like not even in a sexual way like you just want to touch their skin and hug them and feel their warmth and smell their scent and feel how soft their hair is and look into their eyes and hear their voice and soak in their presence like it’s physically impossible to have them by your side but you need it so bad like you just want them to be yours you want them physically there for you
Credit to 1Dfancoolkid

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
November 14, 2013 2:39pm UTC

Harmony Lee Prosser...
That name may not mean something to you but it means everything to me. She was my best friend before she killed herself. I miss her tons. I wish she were still around. This is why I have such hatred for bullies. She killed herself because of how badly she was bullied. I love you Harmony.
R.I.P
Harmony Lee Prosser
05.02.97-01.14.11

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
November 10, 2013 11:00pm UTC

I need advice.
Is it normal to feel comfort in touching your own cuts/scars but shudder if someone else touches them?

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
November 10, 2013 10:54pm UTC

On friday and saturday Sleeping With Sirens was in town (which is my all time favorite band) and my parents gave me an early birthday present to go see them in concert. I was soo excited and I was jamming out and going crazy right? Well they then played the song that saved my life, the first song i had ever heard by them, it is always so hard for me to listen to that song without crying while wearing headphones but hearing it in concert I lost it, I was in tears, I was sobbing. I couldnt help it. Kellin noticed me and wanted to know why i was crying after the show when i got to meet the band i told him that he played the song that saved my life and he told me that he was so glad that i had heard that song when i did and that his music could help me and that it had helped me ever since. He gave me a huge hug. I havent stopped smiling since

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
November 8, 2013 3:13pm UTC

I wonder if anyone has a crush on me?
Hah! Yeah Right!

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
November 8, 2013 3:00pm UTC

Can Someone Please Tell Me That They Love Me And Actually Mean It?

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
October 20, 2013 9:45pm UTC

Okay so Im really sorry but I cant write "Where are you" on witty anymore. If you'd like to continue reading it im still going to try to upload and update on wattpad. My account is
bree_dancer55
thank you for understanding.
i really do love my readers with everything in me but i cant handle it.

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
September 12, 2013 8:07pm UTC

Where are you?
Chapter Five (Part One)
Lena
I was dragging the blade against my wrist when I heard a crying sound and what I thought was the word ‘No’.
“Eli?” I called even though I knew it couldn’t be possible for him to have been here.
“Eli?” I called more panicked this time
I brushed the uneasy feeling I was getting in my stomach aside and began to clean up the mess I made. I first wiped my blade off and then I wiped the blood off my wrist. I heard Aaron open the garage so I quickly shoved all of my things in a shoe box {the blade, the towel, ect.} and threw them under the sink and pulled my sleeve down to cover the old scars and the fresh cuts.
“Lena?”
“Coming” I called back in my happiest voice
I ran down the stairs and stopped right in front of Aaron.
“Baby… you don’t have to pretend to put on a happy face for me, I know you’re hurting right now.” Aaron pulled me into a hug.
We stood there for awhile while I just cried in his arms.
There was a knock on the front door.
“I’m gonna go answer that” I walked over to the door and pulled it open knowing my eyes were swollen and red from just crying.
“Lena?” A surprised Adam just stared at me.
“Yeah, is there something I can help you with?” I snapped
“No, I just thought that you should read my letter from Timra when you read yours and Elyssa’s” Adam handed me a letter that was opened but folded in a small square.
“Please? Timra wants you to read them” Adam smiled at me
“Thank you” I said without emotion
“I’m serious” Adam sighed
“I know” I rolled my eyes
“It’s not your fault” Adam barely whispered
“It’s not yours either” I tried to smile
“Please read them. And this too.” Adam handed me one more piece of paper “It’s your parents letter.”
“Ill make sure she reads them” Aaron came up behind me.
“Thanks Aaron” Adam sighed and started walking away
“Wait!” I yelled running after him and ran straight into his arms.
Adam quickly wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
“Its gonna be okay” I cried into his chest
“I know. You’re gonna be okay.” Adam smiled into my hair.
I know it’s a sad smile.
“Adam that’s enough” Aaron came over and pulled me off of Adam
“Aaron…” I sighed
“We are going to read the notes.. all four of them” Aaron smiled softly at me.
“Okay.” I turned away from Aaron and back towards Adam “I’ll see you around”
I turned back towards the house and walked in. I started towards the kitchen.
“Lena I was serious” Aaron sighed handing me Elyssa and my notes
“Fine. I’ll start with Mom and dads.
Sorry It's so short, I'm making the next part all the notes. Anyways, comment if you wanna be notifyed for upcoming chapters

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
September 8, 2013 10:32am UTC

Where Are You?
Chapter Four (Part Three)
Lena, Timra (Special) Eli
Lena
I was listening to my dad talking about Timra up front when I thought I saw Timra standing there… Again with Eli. I was just staring at them when Aaron elbowed me.
“Huh?” I looked at him
“It’s your turn to speak” Aaron smiled softly
“What?” I was dumbfounded “I don’t have a speech”
“Just speak from the heart” Aaron smiled at me
I stood up and walked up to the podium.
I cleared my throat “Timra was my best friend. She was my twin. When I found out what she did I didn’t quite understand what was going on. I was numb. I didn’t read the letter she left me, I know that Elyssa didn’t either. She gave it to me unopened. She didn’t- doesn’t want to read it. I opened Timra’s letter but I never read it. Timra’s death caused me so much pain that I unofficially moved out of my home to avoid all reminders of her. I miss her more than life. I feel as though my heart is incomplete without her. I feel as though it was my fault because I haven’t talked to her in two months and I am so guilty. Timra I am so sorry.” I whispered the last part while looking away from the spot I thought I was seeing Timra.
Timra
During the last part of Lena’s speech my mouth dropped open.
“See, she cares, and she thinks your suicide is her fault.” Eli said from next to me looking at Lena lovingly.
“I don’t want to see anymore” I stood u p and walked away knowing Eli would follow me
“Timra! Wait!” Eli called after me
“What?!” I screamed at him
“Please just calm down” Eli peaded
“Sorry” I mumbled
“Its okay” Eli ran his fingers through his hair
“Do you love Lena?” I asked quickly
“Do I what?” Eli looked at me, stunned.
“Do you love her? Is that why you have stuck around here?” I asked again
“Yes” Eli whispered
“What happened?” I asked
“I was sick. I told her not to tell anyone. Before I died she came to visit me everyday” Eli smiled softly “She was there when it happened… I mean when I died. She told me, maybe a week before I died that if I came back to be a ghost that I’d have to watch over you when she couldn’t. That night when she stormed out of your house to the park she asked me to watch you.”
“She can see you?!” I asked with hope in my voice
“No, well I don’t know. I’ve never gotten in her line of sight.” Eli looked at me and smiled softly.
“You miss talking to her.” It wasn’t a question but a statement.
“Yeah. I mean she talks to me all the time, like she knows I’m there but she cant hear me reply.” Eli sighed.
“Come on. I’m gonna take you home.” Eli grabbed my hand and started walking me home.
When we finally got home Eli helped me get through the wall.
“I’m gonna go watch Lena” Eli walked away.
Eli
I walked over to Aarons house to watch Lena for a little while. To make sure she is alright with the whole Timra thing. I still cant believe Timra killed herself. It breaks my heart to see Lena so heartbroken. When I finally arrived at Aaron’s house I noticed that Aaron’s car wasn’t there. I let myself in anyways. When I got inside I went upstairs to where I heard the water running in the bathroom. Aaron must be at work. I decided to go into the bathroom because it was the bathroom sink and I’m sure she would be dressed. When I got in I couldn’t believe my eyes. My beautiful Lena had a blade held to her wrist with cuts all up her arm. I rushed out of the bathroom crying and I could’ve sworn I heard Lena say “Eli?” with a panicked voice.
Okay I am sooo sorry it took me so long to post this. Please forgive me. It wont happen again. Comment if you want to be notified for upcoming chapters.

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 17, 2013 10:04pm UTC

I dont blame you for hating me... I hate me too

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 17, 2013 8:06pm UTC

If you are a 14 or 15
(give or take a year or two) year old boy that likes my music and is not a d. ick, i am in love with you and you are stuck with me internet stalking you but I will be too afraid to talk to you. And it'll be even worse if you are cute so beware!

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 17, 2013 7:43pm UTC

Every night I hope and pray that my life is taken from me.... I wont do it myself (even though I've tried) I dont want anyone to know how truely unhappy I am

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 17, 2013 7:13pm UTC

I am single because men like Andy Biersak, Kellin Quinn, Mike Fuentes, Vic Fuentes, Jinxx, Ashley Purdy, Mitch Lucker (R.I.P.) and Oliver Sykes exist, giving me high expectations for men.
...
...
...
And I was born with the face that I have

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 14, 2013 2:02pm UTC

Where Are You?
Chapter Four (Part Two)
Timra
The last thing I remember is drinking the bleach and then everything went black. When I woke up an hour later I saw mom and dad crying. I saw my body laying lifeless on the floor. I must be dead. I rushed over to my mom and sat next to her and tried to calm her down. Oh my god what have I done. I began to panic. Then I started to cry.
I didn’t notice the boy until he spoke.
“The first couple of days are always the hardest”
“What? You can see me?!” I started to get hope that I wasn’t dead
“Yeah, ghosts can see other ghosts” The boy rolled his eyes
“You look familiar.” I say looking at him
“I should. We went to school together for a long time, I had the biggest crush on Lena. Lena and I used to be really good friends.” He looked at me like I was dumb
“Eli?” I said suddenly remembering Lena’s childhood friend.
This ghost looked the same as Eli. Same brown spiked hair. Same ocean blue eyes. Same ridiculous glasses.
“Yes dummy!” Eli laughed at me
I gave him a big hug “What happened to you? Lena only said you guys stopped hanging out but she was really upset for a really long time.”
“I know. I’ve been watching over her” Eli smiled
“She’s going to be devastated when she finds out” Eli referred to my being dead.
“She’ll be fine” I said bitterly then marched away.
Next thing I knew I was at my school. I decided to check in on Lena.
She looked as though she didn’t care I wasn’t in class.
Eli came over and put a hand on my shoulder. “She doesn’t know yet.”
“I know” I sighed
“She’ll find out soon” Eli gestured to Adele.
I went over and looked at a text that Adele was reading ‘Timra killed herself send Lena to the office’
Adele rushed over to Lena and whispered something in her ear and gave her a hug. Lena didn’t look upset or worried at all.
“Great… my own sister doesn’t even care that I’m dead” I sighed and then decided to go for a walk.
I walked for hours and hours not knowing where to go.
“You take hours to walk somewhere when you could transport there in a matter of seconds” Eli skipped over to me
“Eli! You keep following me!” I started to get angry
“Yeah, dumb I know but your funeral is in a couple days and I think you should go”
“Nobody’s going to be there” I sighed “I have no friends”
“I’ll be there. Your sisters and parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins will be there, that’s more than enough” Eli smiled at me kindly.
“Yeah, that’s true” I smiled weakly “I really screwed up huh?”
“We all make mistakes” Eli’s voice was soft.
Two days past and it was time for my funeral. When I got there only my mom was there. She was talking to the funeral director. Slowly more people showed up. All my aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents were there like Eli said but a bunch of people from school were there too. Adam was and all of my teachers were and all of my old friends and even some people from some of my classes that I didn’t really know. Aaron was there too. My dad and sisters were the last to show up. Lena didn’t look all that upset, she looked distant, like she didn’t know what was going on.
Comment if you want to be notified for future chapters!

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 14, 2013 1:59pm UTC

Where Are You?
Chapter Four (Part One)
Lena
I was sitting in second period wondering where Timra was. I shook off the bad feeling and tried to pay attention to my teacher. I looked over at Adele reading a text and I could’ve sworn I saw Timra and my old friend Eli, but I just shrugged it off because I knew that it was impossible, Timra’s probably at home and Eli is dead.
“Lena, the front office needs you. They said your parents are here to pick you up. Its urgent” Adele said.
“Okay” I started to gather my things and head to my locker.
On my way out Adele stopped me and gave me a huge hug
“Everything’s going to be okay. I’m here for you and so is Aaron and Cat and Layla” Adele had tears threatening to leave her eyes
“Okay?” I said confused
I grabbed my things out of my locker and went down to the office. Elyssa was waiting with my mother who was crying.
“What’s going on?” I ask as soon as I was close enough for them to hear me.
“Come on we’ll talk in the car” My mom sobbed
“Where’s Timra, she wasn’t in second period. And what about dad? If its urgent shouldn’t he be here too?” My stomach dropped
“Your dad is at home with Timra” My mom pulled the car over and tried to pull herself together.
“Mom whats going on?” Elyssa started to panic.
I have never seen tears come to Elyssa’s big brown eyes until just now. And her perfect long brown hair had never been in a ponytail until she put it up just now. Everything seemed so out of place with mom crying and Elyssa visibly trying to hold back tears.
“Timra killed herself” Mom sobbed.
“What?! How!? Why?!” Elyssa’s tears spilled out of her eyes as she said this.
“I don’t know why. She overdosed on pain medication and drank bleach” Mom couldn’t control her crying
“Lena?” Elyssa shook me
I didn’t answer.
“Lena?” She tried again
I still didn’t answer.
“Come on Lena. Make some indication you can hear me.” Elyssa shook me violently.
I looked at her with emotionless eyes.
“Why isn’t she crying mom? Or doing anything?” Elyssa started to panic
“She’s in shock” My mom started to drive.
We arrived at the house. The second mom pulled in the driveway I sprinted into the house and up the stairs to Timra’s room. When I got in there I saw my dad sitting on her bed with a bottle of whiskey in his hands. I looked at the ground and saw Timra’s lifeless body. I rushed over to her and started sobbing uncontrollably. The next two days were a blur. I haven’t gone to school and I haven’t gone home. I remember reading Timra’s final goodbyes in a letter she wrote me. And I remember Aaron missing school to stay with me. But I remember nothing else. When it came time for Timra’s funeral I didn’t want to go.
Comment if you want to be notified for future chapters!

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 13, 2013 6:48pm UTC

I have 100 followers! I just want to thank everyone! OMG I feel famous! I know that I'm not even close but I got on and had 30 notifications and 100 followers! I just want to thank all one hundered of my followers!
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I love you all!

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 13, 2013 1:21pm UTC

If I ever have a daughter I know exactly what I am going to name her. Harmony. After my friend who killed herself. She will forever be in my heart and in my mind.
R.IP. Harmony Lee Prosser
May 2, 1997- January 14, 2012

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I'mNotOkay*
posted a quote
August 13, 2013 12:54pm UTC

Don't worry Isabella,
my Phineas doesn't notice me either.

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I'mNotOkay*