Witty Profiles

wonderful_me

1. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   February 15, 2015 2:20am UTC
   Harper: So, who are you taking to the homecoming dance?
   Alex: My TV.
   ooh, and guess what I'm wearing
   Harper: What?
   Alex: My couch
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
2. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   May 17, 2014 8:25pm UTC
   It's funny cuz in most movies, when a character lies, the truth comes out after some point
   but when I lie the truth will never come out like...ever
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 2 points
3. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   May 13, 2014 6:38am UTC
   Dad: Son, I'm going to arrange you to a marriage
   Son: No
   Dad: It's going to be Bill Gates' daughter
   Son: Then ok
   Dad goes to Bill Gates
   Dad: Let my son marry your daughter
   Bill Gates: No
   Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank
   Bill Gates: Then ok.
   Dad goes to the President of the World Bank
   Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank
   President: No!
   Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates
   President: Then ok!
   THIS IS BUISNESS
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
4. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   April 8, 2014 4:01am UTC
   ☁ ☁
   Happiness is like a cloud
   ☁ staying up there no matter
   in rain or shine.
   ☁
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 13 points
5. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   April 8, 2014 3:58am UTC
   "Maybe the wolf is in love with the moon and each month it cries for a love it will never touch"
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
6. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   March 22, 2014 1:02am UTC
   It's sad at how when a girl likes a guy who doesn't like her back, its shameful and meaningless
   But when there's a guy who likes a girl who doesn't like him back, its like the saddest thing in the world
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
7. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   March 11, 2014 6:11am UTC
   To the world
   You may be one person,
   But to one person
   You may be the world. ❤
   Literally, the best thing Amanda Bynes ever said ~~
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 6 points
8. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   March 7, 2014 9:30pm UTC
   Everyone wants happiness,
   no one wants pain
   But you can't have a rainbow,
   without a little rain.
   Please don't remove this!
   
   👍 this is good · read the comments · 9 points
9. wonderful_me
   posted a quote
   March 7, 2014 2:47am UTC
   Why do perfume bottles come decorativaly in different shapes and sizes?
   Like, doesn't it matter what it smells like on the inside than the looks on the outside?
   "Ooh, that perfume bottle looks so cute with that little twist and how we hold it on its side."
   *found in the back of the drawer and never used ever again*
   
   👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
10. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    March 4, 2014 4:02am UTC
    I left witty for a few weeks because I forgot my login.
    A month later I came back, and looked over at the top quotes.
    I realised how much I missed them; how they make my day and put a smile on my face.
    And so one magical morning I remembered my login and was able to become a proud wittian again,
    THANKYOU WITTY
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 3 points
11. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2014 5:09am UTC
    ♔A king only bows down to his queen♔
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 1 point
12. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 12, 2013 1:33am UTC
    Why are scary movies always in creepy places like hospitals and jails? I want a scary movie in Walmart.
    "Clean up isle 13."
    "But sir...there is no isle 13..." *dramatic music*
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
13. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:42am UTC
    Mother said to the father, "Please have a word with our son, I found a stack of porn0 magazines under his bed"
    The father walks into the son's bedroom. "Son, you must stop looking at porn0 magazines, they'll make you go blind.
    "I'm over here dad."
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
14. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:37am UTC
    Boy: hey I saw you on t.v last night
    Friend: really!!?!!?! what channel!??!?!
    Boy: animal planet...
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 5 points
15. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:35am UTC
    Mom: come spend time with the family
    Me: *goes and sits with family*
    Me: *gets insulted by everyone*
    Me: *goes back into room*
    Like if this ever happened to you
    
    👍 this is good · read the comments · 19 points
16. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:30am UTC
    Me: I bet you can't say the alphabet faster than me
    Friend: A B C D E F G H I...
    Me: the alphabet
    Friend: you son of a b*tch
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 10 points
17. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:28am UTC
    Cop: Did you kill this man?
    Me: No, a bullet killed him. Bullets are made out of lead, which comes from the ground. This ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed.
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points
18. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:15am UTC
    Doctor: I have good news and bad news
    Patient: Go with the good news first
    Doctor: You have 24 hours to live
    Patient: What!? How about the bad news?
    Doctor: Um...I forgot to tell you yesterday
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
19. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    November 11, 2013 4:07am UTC
    Everyone keeps teasing me about being so damn lazy. I just can't do this anymore. I think I'm just going to kill myself.
    But the gun is like...way over there
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 4 points
20. wonderful_me
    posted a quote
    October 31, 2013 4:13am UTC
    That awkward moment when you mistake an advertisement for a witty quote
    
    👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 8 points

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