The sun will still smile down on me if I cry. The world won't end just because I want it to either. I can't hold onto the hands of time and ask them to stop for a moment or an eternity. Life is just happening to me. My parents just decided and i was poofed into existence. A soul was breathed into me and it's still here. Breathing even if i don't want it to. The sun will still set whether i want it to or not. A new day will roll around whether i'm prepared for it or not. Right now life is just happening to me. No other way to describe it. Life isn't hurting or exciting me. It's just happening. Like i'm just watching a movie, nothing too problematic or uneventful. It's just on because someone decided to turn it on. But i'm the one who has to watch it for its entirety incase something happens. idek.
“ …and if I never touch you, well then, we never die. Listen, even lovers have still lives, have whole months when they hang together like moths on an unlit light bulb, waiting for the bulb to light, but if it never does then the moths survive, meat should be allowed to sit on the table forever without being devoured by flies and if that’s not possible, well then we still have this picture, the still life not of how it will be, but of how it was, for the knife and the meat and the flies, and for us on the night we hesitated together. From now on, love, we will always be about to destroy each other, always about to touch. —STILL LIFE: AN ARGUMENT | EDWARD HIRSCH
it can get better or worse, it can go my way or it wont. all i can do is work hard or waste time. worry or work hard. stress or work hard. at the end of the day, the only reasonable option is to work hard. even if i cant find the energy. long run over current feelings. head over heart.