Witty Profiles

menu
sign in or join

Best Wit Quotes Ever

  1. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    March 1, 2013 4:38pm UTC
    "Out of the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. There are way more dead people, and you're all gonna die and then you're gonna be dead for way longer than you're alive. Like that's mostly what you're ever gonna be. You're just dead people that didn't die yet." — comedian Louis C.K.

  2. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    January 30, 2013 12:37pm UTC
    “Words may show a man's wit, but actions his meaning.”

  3. Steve Steve
    posted a quote
    February 25, 2014 2:55pm UTC
    I'll take a girl with a sharp wit. Wits never sag.

  4. CharliesTheName CharliesTheName
    posted a quote
    July 9, 2013 6:12pm UTC
    The gayest I've ever acted:
    Whenever you ask a guy or girl out you always get a yes and I always get a no.
    HOW DO YOU GET A YES? IS IT YOUR HAIR? YOUR BODY? YOUR WIT?
    And I'm fabiulous :D

  5. WhenAllElseFails WhenAllElseFails
    posted a quote
    August 15, 2013 2:32pm UTC
    When my mom says she'll be ready in 5 minutes,
    I know I have just enough time to fly to space and finish
    building my Death Star before we go.

  6. Hunter21 Hunter21 happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    March 2, 2013 4:32am UTC
    When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks,
    "Has the bus come yet?"
    If the bus came would I be standing here?

  7. ilovemybestfriendmike_610 ilovemybestfriendmike_610
    posted a quote
    June 28, 2014 2:05am UTC
    marry your best friend. i do not say that lightly. really. truly find the strongest, happiest, friendship in the person you fall in love with. someone who speaks highly of you. someone you can laugh with, the kind of laughs that make youre belly ache, and your nose snort. the embarrassing, earnest, healing kind of laughs. wit is important. life is too short not to love someone who lets you be a fool with them. make sure they are somebody who lets you cry, too. find someone that you want to be there with you through those times. most importantly, marry the one that makes passion, love and madness combine and course through you. a love that will never dilute -- even when that waters get deep and dark.

  8. Witty-Throwbacks* Witty-Throwbacks*
    posted a quote
    April 5, 2015 12:51pm UTC
      when
    we were at the airport one time the guy at check-in reminded us
    that we weren’t allowed to carry
    sharp
    objects with us onto the plane and i said “oh damn looks
    like i’ll have to leave behind my wit” and thats how
    i made a middle-aged guy laugh so hard he had to get his
    colleague to take over his check-in desk

  9. coolsuperstarz coolsuperstarz
    posted a quote
    August 13, 2013 11:07am UTC
    When the beating of your Heart.
    echoes the beating of the drums.
    There is a life about to start when tommorow comes...

  10. Cameron* Cameron*
    posted a quote
    August 20, 2013 5:39pm UTC
    "Wit beyond measure
    is man's greatest treasure."

  11. SarahDGirl SarahDGirl
    posted a quote
    March 8, 2013 2:18pm UTC
    You told me not to be so fragile,
    And I didn't listen...

  12. insecuritiesarelife insecuritiesarelife
    posted a quote
    August 14, 2014 9:09am UTC
    Dan: I know what you think of me, you think I'm a boring, sheltered nobody
    Chuck: I don't think of you

  13. Hunter21 Hunter21 happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    March 2, 2013 4:27am UTC
    Unless your name is 'Google'
    stop acting like you know everything.

  14. insecuritiesarelife insecuritiesarelife
    posted a quote
    November 3, 2013 4:24pm UTC
    mama always said nice guys finish last honey take the cash

  15. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    October 16, 2021 1:57am UTC
    The true story is not based on a true story.

  16. TheCovertComic TheCovertComic
    posted a quote
    November 5, 2022 1:12am UTC
    When all is said and done, at least we won’t have to hear this cliché anymore.

:)

Join · Top Quotes · New Quotes · Random · Chat · Add Quote · Rules · Privacy Policy · Terms of Use · Full Site
© 2003-2024 Witty Profiles