Best Truestory Quotes Today

kristabff
posted a quote
March 18, 2013 7:50pm UTC

If you're having a bad day
just remember that yesterday i went up to the board in math class and wrote that 15+2=15.2

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
February 14, 2013 5:05pm UTC

Girl on Witty to Steve: Happy Valentine's Day! What will you be getting for the Mrs.?
Steve: TODAY'S VALENTINE'S DAY???!!!
life = made

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Eli22b
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 3:09pm UTC

It's official,
I have plans for Valentines day.
Dentist appointment: 4:00 PM

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kristabff
posted a quote
April 11, 2013 4:25pm UTC

My life on Witty.
Me: ~posts super funny quote that gets 5 favorites within 1 minute~
Me: OH YES I'M GONNA BE ON THE TOP TODAY PAGE
Popular Person: ~posts quote that says 'Hi'~
Me: Damn it i have no chance against that quote

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kristabff
posted a quote
May 19, 2013 4:43pm UTC

Last Friday
I was sitting in a school chair during a test and it was really quiet and then suddenly I farted by accident and the plastic chair echoed my fart and made it like 10 times louder and people all looked at me and they laughed at me but then suddenly my best friend who sat a couple chairs down from me said to the class, "Whoops, didn't see that one coming lol!"
This is a true friend.
g

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kristabff
posted a quote
April 26, 2013 4:36pm UTC

This actually happened in science class today.
Girl: ~talks loudly to her friends during a video on hurricanes~
Woman Substitute Teacher: Excuse me but do i need to come sit next to you??
Girl: No thank you i'm straight!!
Oh my god.

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
June 26, 2013 8:24pm UTC

Teacher: Okay, everyone get out a pen.
Me: I only write in pencil.
Teacher: But you have to use a pen for this assignment.
Me: I use pencils because pens are only for perfect people.
Teacher: ...That was deep bro.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
October 29, 2013 7:14pm UTC

person: how tall are you?
me: 5'1"
person: wow you're short
me: wow
me: really
me: i didn't know
me: there goes my pro basketball career
me: this is brand new information

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
July 20, 2013 4:59pm UTC

When I was about 9, I went to this summer camp. That year, the camp
decided to ban sugar. So, a girl who was about 13 or 14 got a bunch of candy and sugar based products and charged a dollar for it on the side of the playground (where the counselors couldn't see us) and she'd have a bunch of friends act as guards so no one could steal the candy and she was basically a drug dealer without the actual drugs. Long story short, the girl who sold the sugar is now an actual drug dealer

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kristabff
posted a quote
April 25, 2013 6:28pm UTC

I'm so lazy
I can't even finish this sen

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
March 21, 2013 7:16pm UTC

My English Teacher: I think the Harry Potter books aren't that good.
My English Teacher: They were poorly written.
Me: Let's talk again when you have a best selling book please...
My English teacher: And I think the Chronicles of Narn—
Police: So you're saying that this women just fell out of the window?
Me: That's right officer.

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JustAnotherWittyGuy18
posted a quote
January 31, 2013 7:54pm UTC

Today,
i was in the waiting room of my therapists office when i heard the door. Usually i was the only one in so i got shy and hid my face. But before i did, i looked up at the woman who had walked into the room. She glanced at me, signed in and then sat in the corner away from me, i swore i knew her, i tried to look away. Not long afterwards i heard her voice "Excuse me sir, but by any chance do you know a Dalton Chanler?" I nodded my head and said i was Dalton, and she shook her head and smiled coming closer. I'm bad with germs so i turned and she grabbed my face and moved my hair out of my eyes and just stared... "Your eyes... they are so filled with pain... Dalton when you were a kid i was your babysitter, i remmeber your eyes when they shined so bright, not a care in the world, friends at your side." I got mad and pushed her hands away from me and snapped "Things changed, didn't they?" and skipped therapy.
"Your eyes... they used to be so bright..."

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kristabff
posted a quote
September 14, 2013 8:33pm UTC

This kid in my grade posted
a picture of his mcdonald's cup with two straws on Instgram and he wrote:
"McDonalds Logic: gives you two straws when you order one drink"
and this other kid wrote underneath that caption:
"McDonalds Logic: gives you two chins when you order one Big Mac"
and i'm dEAD HOLY CRAP HAHA

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 4, 2013 1:47pm UTC

Have you ever tried going down the stairs
on all fours? Don't.

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
February 6, 2013 5:40pm UTC

Me: *Sees most fake quote ever*
Me: I could tell them how obviously stupid this is...
Me: Or I can just keep quiet...

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Eli22b
posted a quote
February 11, 2013 4:46pm UTC

*In English Class*
Friend: Holy crap Eli, how do you type so fast?
Me: It comes with being an internet addict, how do you type so slow?
Friend: Because I'm not addicted to the internet.
Me: D.amn athletic people.
Friend: D.amn internet addicts.
True Story

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sophsunflower12
posted a quote
March 26, 2013 5:40pm UTC

it's March. someone please enlighten me
as to why there's still snow on the ground.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 17, 2013 2:27pm UTC

My thoughts 24/7: I wouldn't have to deal with this if I were a Kardashian

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
June 5, 2013 7:06am UTC

Me in the morning: I'm gonna wear a dress today to school
Getting ready: I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!
As soon as I get on the bus: This was a terrible idea.

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 5, 2013 6:59pm UTC

I have a friend and her mom forced her to go to church against her will.
When the holy water at the church touched her skin, she screamed "It burns." Long story short, she isn't allowed back in that church anymore.

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Best Truestory Quotes Today