No one's saying anything to me anymore. I know you've heard but you know how I am. You really thought I did this so often, I told you I just felt comfortable so soon with you. I was so open and transparent, I couldn't hide my true intentions, you fell hard but I fell harder. Because no one's saying anything to me anymore. They're just talking amongst themselves. I can hear it all. I wanted to hug you but I felt like I couldn't. Please say something, come back to me. You smiled but you were still unapproachable. So many eyes watching I asked how you were, you stared blankly at me. I'm right here, I'm hurting right here. I really wanted to hug you, hold your hand, anything. No one's the same with me anymore. I hurt more. I look for you, I seek my comfort in you. You opened your arms. Your warm smile was back, I wanted to crash into you with a hug. But everyone's watching, too many eyes watching. You know how I really am. Behind closed doors we can go back to the way we were. But out here, please don't do this to me.
Love me even on the days I hate myself. Love me even when the decisions I make are dumb. Choose to love me when I sabotage myself. Please stay when I tell you to leave. Please don't hate me, when I say I want you to. I say I don't ask for much, but in reality I do. Please stick by me even when I'm being stubborn. I love you and you know that won't change. I hope you'll love me even on those days.
Truthfully I didn't need to go that way. Honestly I, had another motive that day. Truthfully I. Honestly I, just wanted to see you. No other reason, I genuinely just wanted to see you. Truthfully I try my best not to avoid you sometimes, other days I hope I don't run into you. Honestly you don't know the effect you have on me. Truthfully, I'm glad.
The days are long and the night is too short. Working all day then dreaming next to you. Weekends are even shorter than the nights with you. After a long day, you are my hot bath. You are my cosy bed. You are my comfort. After a long day, do you know how nice it is to be with you? I hope it feels like this for you too. The drive home, holding hands, being cringier than cringe, I love moments like that. After a long day. After worrying, working and stressing some more. Waiting in line, sitting behind a desk. Waiting some more, working some more. It all ends with you. Thank you.
*Freedom* posted a quote
November 13, 2017 3:39am EST
I was supposed to go hang out with a boy. I cut myself while shaving. I was bleeding really bad. I was way too embarrassed to tell him. But I did anyway. And he rushed to my apartment. With a first aid kit.
If this is love, why are you never there for me? If this is love, why do you lie to me? If this is love, why do you cheat on me? If this is love, why do you hurt me? If this is love, why do you constantly have to reassure me? If this is love, why don't you show it? If this was love, it wouldn't feel like it does.
I miss your voice in the midst of the night. I miss your hand in mine. I miss loopy late night giggles. I miss skin to skin contact just not being close enough for us. I miss relief from the nightmares with you by my side. I guess I miss you the most at night.
*Freedom* posted a quote
November 2, 2017 11:55pm EDT
“You hurt me,” she said. “And for the longest time, I was waiting for you to come save me. For you to tell me it was okay, and to tell me I would be fine.” “I’m just here to tell you that I did all on my own,” she said, “And I’m still here.”
And I, I like him. We're often hot and cold, but I like him. When it matters, he is there. I think I like him. He is kind, he has kind eyes. He doesn't smile easily, but he still finds me funny. I didn't even have to try, a few words. A few words of raw honesty, that's all it took to have him flash his beautiful smile. I really like him. I think I'm really smitten. His small smile, his laugh. It's so cringey to admit.