i knew it would be hard. it has always been hard. i knew it would take long. i knew it would be like this. i almost regret having any optimism. false hopes. overqualified. underqualified. somewhere in between. overall not good enough. not what we're looking for. goodluck next time. we'll keep it on record, just in case. but at the end of the day it still comes back to not what we're looking for. overqualified. underqualified. "thank you"s in between. a bunch of "not successfuls" and "but"s. am i at the stage where it's still too early to give in? because i really want to. i'm qualified for more rejections and ego blows. unqualified for any good that could come beyond that. good intentions don't mean anything. sounds good or awful on paper. in person can't pull it off. masked in disadvantage. obstacles galore. i will overcome this all one day. i know. but it's always the right now that is hard. and one day is not my life. my life is right now and right now is hard.
~its been quite a while since i've posted here. I feel ashamed to say i've been recently falling back in my old tracks and self. I've been a year and...7 months clean..I'm proud..and my confidence is much well now. I know my worth, finally. However...I have no control anymore.~
i can't continue being so close to someone who makes me feel bad for no reason. who takes everything as an attack. i can only recall one scenario where i have benefitted. the majority is way too one sided. i hope when i'm on my own i can keep it together. i hope being apart will make us a lot healthier.
The anxious to even simply meet with friends pep talk; Maximum 2 hours. it'll be over in 2 hours. You'll have good food and be surrounded by the friends you are most comfortable with. Catch up and eat, nice warm rice and meats. I know we're a high strung type, always stressed out and anxious. But it's okay. I'm going to make myself a warm coffee now, get what i need to get done finished and have a fun night out with my friends. no need to be anxious. It will all work itself out in the best way possible.
don't link me,don't hit me when you hear this and tell me your favorite song.don't tell me how you knew it would be like this all along.i know the truth is you won't love me until I'm gone,and even then the thing that comes after is movin' on.