confessions (because why the hell not) i. Sometimes when I'm giving out compliments and checking in excessively, it's because I'm feeling particularly low. My praise and concern for others is never insincere, no; I just don't know if I do this because the loving attention I give people is exactly what I want from them during those times of sadness and self-hatred, or because it just makes me feel so great to make others happy that I forget temporarily how awful I feel about myself (perhaps both). ii. I'm often restless and have strange nervous habits, including relentlessly, aimlessly pacing, wringing my hands, and rocking slightly in the seat I'm sitting in. iii. I'm bad at concealing my emotions, but it isn't really as if I try to. iv. I'm eternally torn between my childish and mature side. v. I'm hard on myself and on many occasions have managed to bring myself to the point of tears or nauseation. I feel that nothing I do or say is worth anything and I'm just this talentless, inadequate mess and it hurts. vi. I'm usually terribly clingy or terribly distant with people in my life, and there's seldom an area of grey.
"You know, for being you, Mia, I thought you'd be skinnier." "Still skinnier than you." "My eating disorder and her eating disorder are not linked. I don't confuse the two. Don't try to blur the lines." "Whatever you say, fatty." Punch. "And that wasn't for me." Punch. "This is for every purge-" Punch. "-and every starve-" Punch. "-and every sore throat-" Punch. "-and every toilet that triggers her-" Punch. "-and ever meal she can't enjoy." Punch. "This is for every lie she told herself about how she needed to be and look for a girl her height." Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. Punch. "Still the lies." Punch. Punch, punch, punch. PUNCH. "Tired yet? I could do this all day." Punch. Punch, punch. "I hope you're bleeding!" Punch. "I hope your bones fracture and splinter and break!" Punch. "You b/tch!" Punch. "You f/cking c/nt!" Punch, punch, punch, punch, punch. "I hope you die!" PUNCH. "You destroyed her." "Me? You destroyed her. You still destroy her. You will continue to destroy her." "I'm not the punching bag today."
* Sabaism * posted a quote
September 13, 2013 8:19am UTC
Storytime #3 Oml. I just had the worst nightmare ever And I felt the need to tell you people Because yolo. So like It was graphically perfect Like when I walked in it, it felt like I was actually walking Anyway, to the nightmare Like it turned out that I was still in a coma or whatever And I just woke up from the coma And all of this had been like a dream And it felt so very real I can promise you I've never been more relieved to wake up Than I am now.