I often wonder how good of a granddaughter I was. It bothers me to the point of tears sometimes. I don't know if I could have been better but I think it's a possibility. Did I ever seem moody when all you were doing was being kind? Were there times I failed to smile at you, hug you as tightly as you hugged me, appreciate any of the gifts you gave me on holidays? Did you ever think I didn't want to be with you all those times I turned down going to the bay house on weekends? Did I ever come off as reluctant and unwelcoming when you spent the night and I had to share my room? Did I ever sound disinterested or eager to hand off the phone to Mom when you called and rambled good naturedly? Did I ever comment with even a hint of criticism on something you worked hard on or something that was an innate part of you? Did I ever ruin your day, deeply upset you when I did something mildly inconsiderate or childish? I remember the last argument we ever had, when I had said in a melancholy tone that I felt I had a boring life and no friends, and you got frustrated and yelled and ranted that I was failing to see the good things I have and that I wasn't going out of my way to bring change, and I know this fiery indignation was because you loved me and wanted me to be happy and hated that I felt so down. All you ever did was help me and think about me and look after me. Did I return the favor? Did my efforts match yours? Did you always know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were an amazing and irreplaceable part of my life, just as I knew I was to yours? I keep telling myself if you did have any doubts they must've surely been erased when you saw how I couldn't hold back my tears when I looked at you in the hospital bed that first time, or when I talked to you on the phone and said I miss you through a sudden outburst of tears because I was already thinking ahead to this time, when I would be without you forever, or how I took off work without hesitation so I could have more opportunities to visit you. But I don't know if I'm just kidding myself. I wish I could find out for sure. I wish I could get a sign right now that you know, that you always knew. I hope I never failed you, and if I did I hope you forgive me because I'm not good at forgiving myself. I'm so sorry Maw Maw.
In 12 days I will be 20 years old. In 2011 I was 12. The year i first joined witty profiles. wittyprofiles was the first social media i really ever have experienced, my mom breifly let me have a facebook but it proceeded to get taken away because of whatever bad thing i was doing that was not approriate for a 12 year old girl on the internet. I was shown witty by my bestfriend and that would become my hobby. I would spend all my free time writing poetry or qoutes or look for song lyrics that i thought would get likes. I would spend so much of my free time learning how to make the quotes that people wanted to see and read, thousands of people used to grace this site with their words, creativity and bulls**. All of us going through simialr situations. wetaher it be figruing out what love is and heartbreak or learning about social norms we just can't wrap our heads around, sometimes we bonded over our mental illneses some of us not even realizing the feelings we were describing matched those of a mental illness. There were no censors on us back then, you could unleash hell in your quote and post it for the world to see. Witty seemed endless. Now here I am in college, sitting at my work study job browsing the hallow sections of witty and I can't help but feel a mixture of things. Happiness because some of these quotes I created are scattered with such pain I never believed I would survive, Sadness because I wish witty was still as explosive and beautiful as it used to be, emptiness because I wonder where everyone who grew up on here with me is at today and most of all fear. Fear of time escaping me so quickly, when my eyes first became fixated on wittyprofiles I thought 20 was light years away and now its approaching my doorstep. I'm still scared of what the future holds for me but not as much as when I was 12, things are not perfect but things are better than they once were. The old witty is legendary and could never be replicated but I do hope, one day , some how a group of pre teen kids find this place and blow it up with color and creativity just like we once did. Thank you witty for helping be get through my teen years
crimson24 posted a quote
October 24, 2017 9:18pm EDT
i cant erase that horrified look he gave me when he asked "is this me!?"...it's imprinted in my brain and all i could think to respond was "i'll do whatever the f i want!"...but i know it hurt him just as much as me...id never seen him cry before...