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  1. ZombiexEater* ZombiexEater*
    posted a quote
    March 18, 2014 3:12am UTC
    So, today me and my family were eating at a place called "Blueberry Hill" a diner.
    And my Aunt and my brother were talking about space and how we should have flying cars and sh-t like that,
    and out of no where my Aunt randomly looks at me and says
    "Holy sh-t you have nose hair!"
    And needless to say I laughed so hard I cried, and died a little bit too

  2. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 26, 2013 7:10pm UTC
    Phineas: I know what we're gonna do today!
    Ferb:
    Ferb: Of course you do, you triangle-headed c*nt. Maybe I wanted to decide what to do today. Did you ever think of that? No. You never think about what I want, you f*cking b*tch. We have the funds to prevent natural disaster and cure cancer, but no, you'd rather f*ck around and build rollercoasters and sh*t. Someday I will end your f*cking life, just you wait and see.

  3. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 26, 2013 7:02pm UTC
    *grandpa voice* See, back in my day, the bathroom was used for taking a sh*t, not pictures

  4. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 26, 2013 6:59pm UTC
    *new Justin Bieber album released*
    Me: Don't you hear the people sing
    Me: Sing the song of angry men

  5. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 25, 2013 7:04pm UTC
    Mom: What does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?
    Me: I don't know, I love you, talk to you later.
    Mom: Okay, I'll ask your sister

  6. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 25, 2013 6:56pm UTC
    Neil Armstrong: *travels to moon*
    Neil Armstrong: *takes 5 photos*
    Me: *went to bathroom*
    Me: *takes 37 photos*

  7. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 25, 2013 6:53pm UTC
    Person: What does the fox-
    Me: *swoops in*
    Me: *puts hand over mouth*
    Me: NO

  8. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:18pm UTC
    Okay, so last week after
    volleyball practice, I walked back into the school building to find maple syrup splattered across all of the lockers. A mysterious pair of snowshoes were leaning against the wall. My friend walked in behind me, took one look around and said, "The Canadians were here."

  9. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:15pm UTC
    Dear Boiling Water,
    Sorry, I can't get hard today, I just got laid last night.
    Sincerely,
    Egg

  10. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:13pm UTC
    When a book does not
    adequately describe a character, so you just fill in the blanks but later you actually get a description so you just want to shout, "WRONG! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE AND NOW YOU ARE WRONG!"

  11. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:09pm UTC
    Dear Mom,
    I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, neither can a boy.
    Sincerely,
    help me, I'm stuck.

  12. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:06pm UTC
    When people say 'pls' just
    because it's shorter than 'please', I feel perfectly justified to answer 'no' because it's shorter than 'yes'

  13. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:04pm UTC
    Whoever said money doesn't
    buy happiness didn't know where to shop

  14. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 7:02pm UTC
    What does the fox say?!
    Nothing, after all, the fox is an animal and incapable of human speech

  15. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    October 12, 2013 6:59pm UTC
    Person: You look pretty today!
    Me: Was I ugly yesterday?

  16. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    September 29, 2013 3:44pm UTC
    Looks like Billy Ray put
    too much loco in Miley's hot cocoa

  17. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    September 29, 2013 3:22pm UTC
    Me: *walks into car auto shop*
    Me: Can I have a rim job please

  18. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2013 3:50pm UTC
    Shortest Horror Story Ever:
    computer: unable to connect to the internet.

  19. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2013 3:48pm UTC
    Don't break anyone's heart,
    they only have one. Break their bones, they have 206.

  20. glitter162* glitter162*
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2013 3:45pm UTC
    Mom, can I...?:
    No

:)

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