There's both pain and silence Raging war in my mind The pain is deep and cuts like a knife But the silence is so much worse In silence I feel nothing And I wonder if I'm still there At least the pain Reminds me that I am alive For now, the pain is enough And I will take it over the silence
It's so hard to climb out of this hole I'm in. The walls are thick and the air is thin. You stand at the mouth, rope at your feet and tell me this is a battle I alone must beat. I cry out, but my voice is too weak and the hole is too deep So I curl up and weep As shadows and monsters creep Inside the hole, to where I lay And still you stand, one thing to say "Help yourself. It's better that way."
I know your frustration. It is my own. Why won't I just smile, laugh, be happy? Why must I drown in this sorrow day in and day out? Don't I want to be saved? Don't I want to be better? You ask me why, why won't I get better? But it's so hard to get better when all I've ever been is this.
You'd talk about the girls and I'd give you my advice, and you'd tell me what to say to all of the boys I like. But when I saw you get close to her then I knew it was serious. Something inside of me lit up a fire, can't help if something's changed. I guess boys and girls try to pretend they're not catching feelings when they're catching feelings. I guess boys and girls just can't be friends without catching feelings, cause I'm catching feelings.
~its been quite a while since i've posted here. I feel ashamed to say i've been recently falling back in my old tracks and self. I've been a year and...7 months clean..I'm proud..and my confidence is much well now. I know my worth, finally. However...I have no control anymore.~