You only liked my hair long, said I'd look prettier with my hair blonde, and more feminine with my nails done. You didn't like my weight gain and got jealous when I tried to change. You didn't like my clothing choice, you said black looked better, I couldn't go with another, because black showed off my slimmest poise.
You could paint a picture so vivid yet you showed no commitment, to us, our future, our family. I spent 3 years trying so hard to be the best for you that I forgot about the best of me. You made me contemplate my fashion choice, my personality, my body, my existence. I was your puppet on a string. You manipulated me, cheated on me, pressured me, belittled me, restrained me, pushed me, punched me, choked me... and still, I tried to be the best me, for you. But when was it going to be enough? I was left with two friends. Both females. Why only two? because YOU didn't like MY friends.
Trying to be the best for you became tiring, I was beginning to feel more and more worthless as a human being as time went on. I went seeking comfort in a vulnerable state with a person who has already hurt me in multiple forms, why? for answers. I wanted answers, and he answered them- "The relationship was dull, you were dull." Wow. Talk about a blow to the gut. But then came the apology. "You deserved better than me, you deserve better than him, you are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are kind, and loving.." and then came "I should have treated you better." Someone was acknowledging my "good" qualities. I fell for it, and there was a kiss, yes, while our relationship was still existing. I did not initiate the kiss, however, it felt good to feel wanted for a moment. And for you, that kiss justified everything you had done to harm me prior to.