I honestly can't take it anymore.
There are so many girls who call me pretty all of the time but I can never believe it. Because pretty girls go out over the weekends. Attractive girls get text messages from people besides their parents and the phone company. Pretty girls get attention from guys and can get a boyfriend. What do I get? NONE of that. Every f.cking day I have to go to school hearing about everyone's stuff they did with their friends and I can't say sh.t because my .ss was in my room or on the computer the whole dam day. I never get invited places or anything, I literally do nothing all the time. I have friends but I always have to text people first or else there's not going to be a conversation; half the time they don't even reply. The last time I've gotten texted first was about two months ago and that was someone asking for homework I swear to God. And you can just forget guys. I have never had a boyfriend. Not even one of those silly elementary school relationships. NOTHING. No guy I have liked has ever liked me back--hell, I don't even think anyone has or does like me period. I've never had a first kiss, held hands, and I can barely get hugs. I try to be so nice, even to people who bother me to my last nerve. I just want to help people and be kind whenever I can and some people are really f.cking unappreciative and are probably annoyed by my kindness and think I'm only trying to kiss up. And don't you dare say I don't put in enough effort because I work my .ss off every day doing so much sh.t i'd never even think about doing a year ago to try to be pretty enough for those guys and nobody even notices. There were countless days when I just wanted to come to school in sweatpants and I was too tired to put on makeup but I sucked it up and dressed up anyway. I wake up early enough to try and do makeup and sh.t, I try so so so hard to get rid of all my acne, I feel so bad I bet I f.cking break my parents bank asking for so many expensive clothes, shoes and electronics but it still isn't enough. I NEVER WIN. There's always some girl who they like more who never barely does ANYTHING with their appearance and to them I am nothing. I used to never talk to anyone and now that I gained the guts to socialize more and not be so painfully shy, nearly every guy I talk to wants nothing to do with me. I always have to put in all of the effort and if the guy ever does put in effort it's only because he's really is the type who wants to be friends with everyone. I lose every single f.cking time. It doesn't help that I always feel stupid in school because I'm always doing something wrong no matter how hard I try to get it right. Even if I am actually pretty then there must be something really hella wrong with me that I can't even get a guy to talk to me. I am exhausted from working so hard just to still have every guy think I'm some sort of ogre. I'm tired of crying after school and crying myself to sleep all the time because what I do is never enough. I'm worn out. Please don't call me pretty because whether it's on the "inside" or "outside" it is obvious I am not. Save your time and words for someone who is much more deserving of them.
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