Let's not pretend that you are fine, because we both know that fine is far from what you are. You wear a smile on your face, although your eyes tell a complete different story. It's like you're living in a nightmare, and you just can't wake up from it. The darkness is closing in on you, and you feel traped. You miss the light, the safe zone you use to have. It's no longer around anymore.
You don't go out anymore, it's not really an option. Even if it was, you don't have anyone to go out with. You spend your weekends in bed, with your hair in a pony-tail holder, while you listen to your favortie bands. You think that would make you feel better, but it just makes you feel bad. What are you suppose to do to make yourself feel better? There's really no answer.
Memories of that boy from July come to your mind. It's not like you mean for them to just pop up in your head, they just do. You start to smile, because at first, it seems so wonderful. Then it soon fades, and your face begins to get covered with tears. You don't mean to cry, it just happens.
You're told that you could do better, that things will get better. How can things get better? You spent days and days telling someone everything, getting to know them. For what? All for them to just throw you away, like you were nothing. What's sad is that you gave them something you didn't give anyone else. You gave them all of you, mentally, physically, and emotionally. You gave yourself to him, you let him in, and that boy broke you.
You're told not to point fingers, but you want to point them anyways. The fault is not all his, you can't only blame him. Although, you want to, but it was half of your fault as well as his. You knew better, yet you still opened up. So instead of hating him, you hate yourself. It's terrible, I know. I've been excatly where you're at. As a matter of fact, I'm still there. Stuck trying to figure out how to live with myself.