i miss their laughs
i miss their smiles
i miss their hugs
i miss their voices
i miss the way she'd play with my hair;
just stroke it, casually, while she chatted
i miss sitting with her on the back porch in the summer
while she smoked her cigarette during her work break
i miss the way her clothes smelled
after she did her hair in the bathroom
i miss the jokes he'd always make
at family dinners, like Christmas
i miss his tattoos and piercings that he had
that i found, strangely, comforting about him
i miss him going on YouTube to look up
your helmet-cam videos to show us from your races
i miss the summer days we'd spend at the house
i miss the way they'd raise their voices at the table
i miss eating junk food with them
i miss the smell of her hairspray
i miss fighting with him
i miss everything
i regret not going to races with him
i regret taking them for granted
i regret wishing she'd leave
i regret ever being mad at them
i regret not hugging them after the parade
i regret not saying "i love you" enough
i hate having these nights
i hate driving by their house, knowing they're not there
i hate seeing their faces on the news
i hate asking mom about court
i hate visiting them at a grave
i hate spending the holidays alone now
i hate looking at their pictures on my bedside table
i hate never seeing them again
i hate missing them
i miss my Mommom and my Uncle Ryan so much..
i just can't take this anymore..
they weren't supposed to die..
not now, not like that..
RIP
11-3-11
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