I created this account to anonymously document my experiences as a depressed bipolar adult who suffers from anxiety and PTSD.
My posts will not be pretty or funny, but a real life depiction of what it is like to live with these debilitating mental illnesses.
I am a 24 (almost 25) year old caucasian female from North America. I am engaged with no children, only pets. Three years ago, my father passed away unexpectedly, shortly after which I ended my six year relationship with my lying, cheating, abusive ex. I moved back home to live with my stepmother and two brothers, and in that time, I thought I found myself. I was happy, fun, and enjoyed life. Two months later, I entered a new relationship (my current one), and was extremely happy for one month. After that, on my now fiance's birthday, a girl wrote Happy Birthday on his Facebook wall, and I lost myself. My jealous and rage kicked in, and over the past two years, it has only worsened. Since that day, we have gone off all social media, and left all our friends behind to focus on each other. We are not individuals at all.
In November of 2015, I was diagnosed with Depression, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, and PTSD. I was prescribed medications by my psychiatrist and have to see a counselor every week.
My current mental state is very unstable. I am once again feeling very suicidal, and have not been taking my meds. I cannot focus, I always hate myself, and there are days where I get so mad at my fiance for talking about other girls, one in particular.
Every day is a struggle to get out of bed and live. I wake up most days and wish I hadn't.
Current status: I want to kill myself. Everyone in my life would be so much happier and better off without me. My mom wouldn't have to worry, and my fiance could have all the girlfriends he wants.