I'm not okay (I promise).
Two days ago, I woke up to find news that crushed me. Crushed me into bits. At first, I laughed, first haughtily, then jokingly, then nervously. I thought it was a joke. Two days ago, I thought - I hoped I had woken up to a joke. I hadn't.
My Chemical Romance had broken up. A simple, five sentence, eighty-five word paragraph saying farewell had been the end to a twelve year legacy for so many people. Fans. Record producers. Band members.
I remember that morning. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stomach any food. I couldn't believe it.
My Chemical Romance was
- is one of my favorite bands of all. I refuse to speak of them in past tense. They saved me. Saved me from myself, saved me from other people, from who I was becoming. They taught me not to be afraid. The men making the music were beautiful, as well. Their friendships and talents are an inspiration, even now. I cannot express their abilities into words fluent or worthy enough, so I will say this;
They are not a band. They may never be a band again. Music will not be made from the group of four, or in some past years, five, ever again. But what has already happened, what has already been made, music, videos, recordings of the past, will be remembered forever.
Wow, I'm speaking about them like they're dead. In a way, they are. They are no longer a whole, simply individuals. Broken, but not. In a way, we have all died a little too. My Chemical Romance was a part of some of us as much as them, and it always will be, but there's a gaping hole where the knowledge that they are still a group, still making music, still being an inspiration, should be. There's that little sliver of maybe, that maybe they'll come back under a different name, maybe there will be a side project, maybe the new album will be released anyway, but the emptiness of not knowing is probable to be everlasting.
I'm not ready to say good-bye. I don't want to. I'm barely able to, barely stable enough to type these words. But sadly, I know I have to.
In the words of Gerard himself, from his own good-bye,
"It's not just a band, it's an idea."
And I hope that idea lives on forever, and continues to save people as it saved me, and many others. I'm going to miss My Chemical Romance. I already do. But I will never, ever have to miss that idea.
The idea stays.
And so, farewell, My Chemical Romance,
So long, and goodnight.