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Best Lul Quotes This Week

  1. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    September 28, 2013 10:59pm UTC
    Me: Hey. Wanna hear a joke about my pènis?
    Raven: (Rolls eyes) Sure.
    Me: Nevermind. It's too short.
    Raven: (Laughing) Oh god. That is. Just. So true.
    Me:
    Raven:
    Me:
    Raven: Wanna hear a joke about my püssy?
    Me: Why not.
    Raven: Forget it. It's pretty fishy.
    Me: (Dying) Oh my.. Wanna hear a joke about Linsey Lohan's innocence?
    Raven: Yes.
    Me: Oh... Sorry, it's non exsistant.
    (Both dying by now)
    Raven: Wanna hear a joke about Chris Brown?
    Me: Of course
    Raven: No. You know what. It's pretty unimportant.
    Me: Oh my god. Wanna hear a joke about our maturity?
    Raven: Please.
    Me: Ugh. You sure? It's pretty low.
    This is what's become of my Saturday nights.

  2. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    September 10, 2013 6:27pm UTC
    Confession #25
    I once
    Brought about 30 thousand pennies
    To a store
    So I could buy a cheap telly
    But the cashier wouldn't count it
    And I was young so I didn't know that 30,000 pennies was 300 dollars
    So I just threw them into a wishing well
    Figuring that if all else fails
    A television would magically fall from the sky.
    ......
    It never did.....

  3. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    December 7, 2013 1:34pm UTC
    Me: *Rushes to get essay done at last minute*
    Me: *Wondering how the hell I got a good grade*
    Me: *Wondering what drugs the professor was on when he graded these*
    Me: *Wondering who his dealer is so I can get some*
    Me: *Wondering if there's drugs that'll make me murder everyone*
    Me: *Wondering what gun I'd use*
    Me: *Imagining a gun*
    Me: *Searching the interweb for that gun*
    Me: *Finds that gun*
    Me: *Gets sad because it costs too much*
    Me: Well, I guess I wont be murdering people anytime soon..
    Raven: Wait. What?

  4. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    November 20, 2013 5:21pm UTC
    I got 99 problems
    And math is 100 of them.

  5. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    September 25, 2013 5:23pm UTC
    Confession #44
    I keep a knife in my shoe at all times
    Because like if a robber is like
    'This is a hold up. Everyone move to the room down the hall.'
    I can be like
    'I gotsta tie my shoe so I don't trip and slow everyone down.'
    Then I can reach into my shoe
    Pull out the knife
    And be like
    Stabstabstab
    And like.
    This is really embarrassing
    Because like
    I honestly believe
    That if I was being held hostage
    A robber would allow me to tie my shoe.

  6. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    October 23, 2013 9:04pm UTC
    Knock Knock
    Who's There?
    Doctor
    Doctor Who?
    Exactly

  7. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    January 7, 2014 6:08pm UTC
    I'm not a Hipster
    Now leave me to admire tirangles, listen to Childish Gambino, check my Tumblr, and drink my organic coffee while wearing Toms, big rimmed glasses I don't need, skinny jeans and this cool Galaxy shirt with a cross in the middle in peace.

  8. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    January 27, 2014 5:29pm UTC
    Okay so let me get this straight, Twilight is a book about an emotionless, boring, weak girl who falls in love with a sparkly vampire who can't decide if he wants her or not. And later, the vampire blackmails her by forcing her to marry him in exchange for sexual intercourse, which leads to her becoming a teen mom. She then dies and her sparkly husband bites her, forcing her into extreme pain for three days. Meanwhile, her childhood best friend that is a werewolf becomes a pedophile and falls in love with her daughter because he couldn't get the mother...?

  9. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    November 23, 2013 6:13pm UTC
    Confession #64
    Remember my first quote
    About being too lazy to read the rules?
    Yea...
    I still havn't read them...

  10. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    September 23, 2013 10:01pm UTC
    DID YOU KNOW:
    If you turn around in front of a mirror
    With the lights off
    At 5 am
    Then scream 'Bloody Mary' 100 times
    You'll only get to scream it 3 times
    Before your mum comes in
    And tells you to shut the hell up.

  11. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    September 12, 2013 5:24pm UTC
    Confession #29 (This counts as Story #2 too because I said so.)
    I havn't willingly ate meat in 4 years as of today
    So like I was 13 when I gave it up
    I remember it clearly
    I was staying the night at a friend's house
    They lived on a farm.
    His dad comes into the house and says
    'Hey. Wanna see something cool?'
    So I follow him because of course I want to see something cool
    He cuts a chicken's head off
    Right there infront of me
    And I just stood there and watched
    As it flopped around,
    Not wanting to give life up just yet
    I remember running to the bathroom
    And I cried for that chicken
    Now everytime I see someone eating meat
    All I can think about is that chicken's struggle.
    The last time I was forced to eat meat was a few days ago
    It was weird
    Because like they held me down and said
    'It tastes good, you'll learn to love it again'
    Once again I thought of the chicken
    And they're just watching as I'm sitting there like crying
    I was tempted to like cut a part of my toe or something off
    As a way to apologize.
    Upon realizing I could never feel the pain that the animal felt as it was dying
    Without dying myself
    I just decided to punch a few walls,
    Break some knuckles
    And call it good.
    Don't get me wrong,
    I have nothing against meat eaters
    I understand it's the normal thing to eat and all
    I wont offend you for what you eat
    As long as you don't offend me.

  12. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    December 4, 2013 1:12am UTC
    Back then:
    Edgar: Take this kiss upon the brow and in parting from you now...
    Virginia: Aweee. That's so sweet.
    Now:
    Edgar: Take this kiss upon the-
    Virginia: PEDOPHILE. WHERE DA HELL IS MAH RÁPE BUTTON WHEN I NEED IT? MMMGURL. HOLD MY WEAVE, I'MA TEACH DIS DUDE A LESSON.

  13. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    October 8, 2013 11:21pm UTC
    To do homework or to not do homework
    That is the question
    Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slings and arrows of bad grades
    Or to take arms against your 'professors' and shoot them all dead.

  14. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    February 12, 2014 7:39am UTC
    I like purposefully look for unknown bands
    So I can crush on the band members
    Without all the fangirls.

  15. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    October 22, 2013 1:30pm UTC
    Story time #8
    *This morning*
    Josh: I like trains.
    Me: Yea. You like to ride them back and forth, don't you.
    Josh: Actually, yes. I always fall asleep on them though..
    Raven and Dawn: *Trying not to laugh*
    Me: I bet it's hard to walk when you get off, hm?
    Josh: Yea. Kinda. And I'm a bit dizzy upon getting off too.
    Me: You eat gummy worms on the train too, yea.
    Josh: How do you- Wait... You dirty minded b.tch.
    And that's how I got slapped today

  16. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    December 21, 2013 6:51pm UTC
    Shoutout to the ones
    Who wait all year just to tell their friends 'I havn't showered since last year' at 12:00 on January 1st.

  17. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    September 15, 2013 1:32am UTC
    Imagine Dragons at first: Oml. I love them!
    Imagine Dragons after the radio plays them non stop: Ugh. Shut up already. I understand you're Radioactive. That doesn't mean you need to be Radio Active

  18. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    October 8, 2013 8:20am UTC
    Me: (Trips and falls down the stairs)
    Josh: (Grabs my waist at last minute like they do in the movies and whispers in my ear) I will always catch you. I love you, Lyric. Please be mine.
    Me: (Turns and looks into Josh's eye)
    *After a moment of that 'love at first sight' stare*
    Me: How about no. (Pushes him down the stairs)
    I'm such a romantic T-T

  19. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    January 12, 2014 2:40pm UTC
    While the pessimist is saying the glass is half empty
    And the optimist is saying it's half full
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ I'm bumping into the table ██
    ██ And quickly running away as the water spills everywhere ██
    ██ Call me the clumsimist. ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██
    ██ ██

  20. * Sabaism * * Sabaism *
    posted a quote
    June 21, 2014 7:33pm UTC
    Plot twist:
    A Witty quote is stolen and put on Tumblr

:)

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