Best Lmao Quotes Ever

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 12, 2013 7:31pm UTC

How roll call will go in the future:
Teacher: Welcome to class students! Please say 'here' when I call your name.
Teacher: Albus
Albus: Here!
Teacher: Doctor
Doctor: Oh, yes, um, hello. I can't talk at the moment, time's gone wibbly. Probably leave a message at the tone or something.
Teacher: Um... okay? Hermione
Hermione: Yes, I'm here! And when's our first test? I've been studying all Summer and-
Red-headed boy in class: Oh my god, Hermione, shut up!
Teacher: And you must be Ron! Okay then, Primrose
Primrose: Here
Random girl in back of class: I VOLUNTEER!!!
Teacher: And I see Katniss has made it today as well, welcome.
Blonde boy: Katniss is here?! Yes! Her Katniss, try this bread I baked this morning!
Brunette boy: Oh, you'd better keep your hands off her! She's my best friend! We go hunting together!
Teacher: Peeta! Gale! Stop fighting over Katniss and sit down.
Teacher: Rory
Doctor: Oh, Rory died yesterday, ma'am. But he should be back again tomorrow.
Teacher: Oh...kay? And lastly, Draco.
Draco: I'm LAST?! My father will hear about this!

👍 this is good · read the comments · 459 points

Rajsonkar
posted a quote
March 26, 2013 2:13am UTC

i wanna change my password to "incorrect" so whenever i forget what it is, the computer will say "your password is incorrect"
format credit rajsonkar

👍 this is good · read the comments · 445 points

MissTomlinson
posted a quote
February 7, 2013 5:11pm UTC

Niall Horan: I hate it when girls act stupid because they think it's cute. Intelligence is attractive.
Me: One particle of unobtanium has a nuclear reaction with a flux capacitor, carry the two, change it's atomic isotope into a raioactive spider. follow for a follow.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 450 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 15, 2013 5:09pm UTC

Unless you physically see me
opening a tampon, don't just assume that because I'm angry, I'm on my period because that's just annoying and tonight when you're sleeping, I will "just assume" you are dead and bury you in the backyard.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 431 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 1, 2013 4:18pm UTC

You hear a noise.
It's a soft clink followed by footsteps in your yard. You spring to your feet, and race to the door. Flinging it open wide, you race to your backyard. There, you see one thing, and one thing only: a spilled milkshake. Happy tears fill your eyes as you gingerly pick up the milkshake. The wind blows your hair back as you stare off into the sunset and whisper softly to yourself: The boys were here.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 427 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 19, 2013 5:27pm UTC

Mom: Why is everything on the floor?!
Me: Gravity, mom.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 398 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 1, 2013 4:12pm UTC

I have this weird self-esteem
issue where I hate myself, but I still think I'm better than everyone else.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 392 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 6:52pm UTC

In 1000 years, archeologists
will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 339 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 24, 2013 2:45pm UTC

This boy at Target asked if I would hold his hand because his ex girlfriend just walked in with a new guy, so naturally I felt bad and held his hand while strolling around Target for a bit. Then it donned on me, with no other couple in sight, that was the best damn pick up line ever pulled

👍 this is good · read the comments · 330 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:45pm UTC

If I were the guy who made
the "Where's Waldo" books, I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn't there.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 319 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
May 25, 2013 6:50pm UTC

"If there are any idiots in the room,
please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one student rose to his feet. "Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 307 points

Rajsonkar
posted a quote
July 9, 2013 3:19pm UTC

An engineer and a doctor were in
love with same girl. The engineer
used to give her an apple every day.
Why..
?
Because an apple a day keeps the
doctor away.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 311 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
March 22, 2013 6:14pm UTC

Me: *whispering* If you're stupid say "what".
Friend: What?
Me: OH MAN.
Me: OH
Me: JESUS CHRIST.
Me: I GOT YOU SOOOO GOOD.
Me: THAT WAS AWESOME.
Me: I'VE NEVER LAUGHED THIS HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Me: IN YOUR FACE.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 291 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
July 1, 2013 7:47pm UTC

Me: *Reading a book*
Person: What are you reading?
Me: *holds up book while continuing to read*
Person: Oh yeah, I read that book! Did you get to the part where ________ dies?
Me: WHAT THE F*CK HAVE YOU DONE

👍 this is good · read the comments · 287 points

Fαy Στylες*
posted a quote
June 30, 2013 4:31pm UTC

Justin Bieber : "I have millions of fans and I am not even 20 "
Spongebob: "I have billions of fans and I don't even exist"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 286 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 5:16pm UTC

If websites were teenaged classmates:
Tumblr: The creative computer genius/blogger who everyone is jealous of. Most people copy her work.
Twitter and Facebook: Brother and sister, they are the drama king and queen of the school. They will tell anyone who will listen about whatever is going on in their lives. They are known for announcing their statuses at the top of their lungs. They are addicted to their iPhones.
Youtube: A movie making expert who is famous throughout the school. This tech-geek is well-liked and his movies have gone viral.
MySpace: The lonely girl who sits in the back of the class. She knows what it's like to be popular, but unfortunately, she has been long forgotten. No one really knows why she's even there anymore...
Witty: The group of mentally crazy teenage girls. They sit on top of desks in the back of the room in messed-up messy buns, and sweatpants eating jars of Nutella and watching cat videos on their phones and telling jokes before laughing like donkeys and falling off of desks. To escape the awkward moment, they joke slowly out the door (jogging for 27 seconds before becoming too tired) to be married to One Direction and Ed Sheeran. Sadly, they both decline their requests for marriage, and they socially awkward Wittians stumble away to the animal shelter to buy as many cats as they like before flying into the grocery store to buy more Nutella. They want to buy clothing too, however they walk away in shame after seeing the price tags on the items.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 304 points

happiest*
posted a quote
December 30, 2013 2:40pm UTC

Girls on their period period
Uterus:Oh, so, no baby?
Uterus:Okay
Girl:No -
Uterus:SDUFGYADFUIFSDHUFDSH
Me:FCK FCK FCK
Va.gina:*unleashes red sea*
Pad:I'm not cleaning that up.
Ovaries:Oh, our turn? My bad, here~
Cramps:Howdy
Junk Food:Don't listen to the cramps, you do want us
Chocolate:No me
Acne:Wow, this face looks like a great spot to settle down
Pad:CHANGE ME EVEN THOUGH I ONLY CAUGHT 20% OF THAT
Va.gina:I can do better, hold up
Va.gina:*Niagara Falls*
Pad:You still missed.
Lower Back:Whoa, am I late? Haha, hope you don't plan on sitting in this position too long.
Ovaries:WSIUDIUFASJDFHADSU
Cramps:*sings the Ave Maria* Uterus:USAHDFIADSHFUFUGUJADIUEWRFHSJKKKKKKKSAJFXXZXCZJ Girl:*dead*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 295 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 29, 2013 3:44pm UTC

Looks like Billy Ray put
too much loco in Miley's hot cocoa

👍 this is good · read the comments · 282 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
September 21, 2013 2:11pm UTC

Me: *misses TV episode*
Episode: *never played again*
Me: *watches TV episode*
Episode: *played 1000 times*

👍 this is good · read the comments · 271 points

glitter162*
posted a quote
August 28, 2013 5:36pm UTC

Have you ever thought about
how weird sleeping is? Like we basically dress ourselves in special sleeping clothes and lay on special sleeping mats and then spend the next few hours completely unconcsious all the while hallucinating vividly

👍 this is good · read the comments · 275 points

Witty Profiles

Best Lmao Quotes Ever