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Joke Quotes

  1. Dishonored* Dishonored*
    posted a quote
    August 7, 2019 12:34pm EDT
    knock knock!
    who's there?
    dishes
    dishes who?
    dishes sean connery

  2. AgainstNoOne AgainstNoOne
    posted a quote
    January 1, 2017 8:29pm EST
    I remember 2016 like it was yesterday...

  3. Anujsomany Anujsomany
    posted a quote
    September 6, 2016 12:17am EDT
    “When a sensible quote is adored a lot by many or most people on a person’s INDIVIDUAL social media account, then wondering why it feels usually as if he has either cracked a joke under the guise of a thought or others are just trying to poke fun on him through a deluge of LIKE & COMMENT vote and often both; especially more when the same post has also his own photo on it.”
    ~Anuj Somany

  4. Dishonored* Dishonored*
    posted a quote
    July 12, 2016 12:28pm EDT
    my aunt broke my car door. which resulted in me breaking my phone. which means I have to spend every dime I earned to fix both of those things. all because I was a good person and lent someone my car.

  5. LiamandSimmy LiamandSimmy
    posted a quote
    July 7, 2016 8:21am EDT
    That moment inbetween netflix episodes when you see your reflection on the black screen and wonder what the heck you are doing with your life

  6. MissyLizzie MissyLizzie
    posted a quote
    June 21, 2016 7:38am EDT
    do you think my parents will still tell me "oh, you're just not mature enough yet" in twenty years time when i'm 30, still haven't had nor want a relationship, and i tell them for the millionth time that i'm an aromantic asexual?

  7. AgainstNoOne AgainstNoOne
    posted a quote
    April 19, 2016 9:09pm EDT
    Heaven's door doesn't seem so far away.
    *opens fridge door*

  8. Madi_Milkshakes* Madi_Milkshakes*
    posted a quote
    February 29, 2016 4:06am EST
    Wanna hear a joke?
    What do you call Spider-Man if he works in a tech office?
    A Web Designer!

  9. Loner_in_Lalaland Loner_in_Lalaland happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    February 19, 2016 1:26am EST
    Q: WHAT DID THE BLANKET SAY WHEN IT FELL OFF THE BED? A: "oh sheet!"

  10. LiamandSimmy LiamandSimmy
    posted a quote
    February 15, 2016 8:27am EST
    Everyone talks about finding the one that makes their heart skip a beat. Personally, I'm not looking to develop a heart problem.

  11. LiamandSimmy LiamandSimmy
    posted a quote
    February 15, 2016 8:25am EST
    if your mum doesn't run the hoover around when you're trying to sleep in, is she even your mum?

  12. LiamandSimmy LiamandSimmy
    posted a quote
    February 15, 2016 8:18am EST
    My last words will probably be sarcastic.

  13. AnimeGirl832 AnimeGirl832
    posted a quote
    January 21, 2016 11:04pm EST
    If I only had a few days left to live, I would go to school since it's days are so long....

  14. Dishonored* Dishonored*
    posted a quote
    January 20, 2016 4:19pm EST
    [me, flirting]me: so, haha, I have a $2.50 subway giftcardme: wanna go dutch on a 6-inch? ;)

  15. Dishonored* Dishonored*
    posted a quote
    January 10, 2016 1:17am EST
    Donald Trump is so vain, his first official act as president would be ordering a certain food chain to change it's name to McDonald Trump's.

  16. gab* gab*
    posted a quote
    December 8, 2015 8:52pm EST
    when we first started dating, you told me
    that i was "too good to be true." that you
    knew there was no way possible that such a
    beautiful girl could have a such a great
    personality.
    i noticed the nervousness wear off between
    the two of us and our more natural personalities
    begin to show. i felt slight tension, but i still stayed.
    i wanted to believe that i was only being paranoid
    and that things were perfectly fine.
    i noticed that we sometimes didn't talk to each
    other like significant others should. i know you
    told me that you weren't good with emotions and
    affection, but i still stayed. i wanted to believe
    that i was only being paranoid and that things
    were perfectly fine.
    i noticed that i had to beg you at times to let us do
    what i wanted. i noticed that i wouldn't get sweet
    goodnight texts or goodmorning texts as often
    as i thought a boyfriend would send them. you
    you suggested that we might be better off as friends.
    i still had confidence that we could work out as a
    couple. you didn't always make me feel like i was
    good enough to be yours because of my quirks and my oddities, but i still stayed. i wanted to believe that i
    was only being paranoid and that things were
    perfectly fine.
    then you realized i wasn't always going to be happy.
    that i was going to have on and off days and be bothered
    by things and cry and express emotion. i wanted you to
    be there to help me, but you didn't understand, so you
    just left; probably because i was too much to handle
    with other troubles on your plate. i wanted to stay, but
    you left me. you couldn't handle me.
    now you don't care about me. sorry i wasn't
    as great as you thought i would be. am i still
    "too good to be true"? or was that being in a happy relationship?
    -g.j.

  17. Nicole🙊* Nicole🙊*
    posted a quote
    October 13, 2015 11:09pm EDT
    You know what the ceiling says... Gullible

  18. Wanderess* Wanderess*
    posted a quote
    October 11, 2015 10:47am EDT
    I'm happy with internet.

  19. icannottellalie icannottellalie happy witty anniversary!
    posted a quote
    September 5, 2015 12:19pm EDT
    "Don't you hate when someone tells you aww you're so cute?
    HONEY! I am not cute .
    I am 50 Shades of SLAY!"
    I'm just so weak I can't right now.

  20. Dishonored* Dishonored*
    posted a quote
    July 20, 2015 1:07am EDT
    I feel like if they were going to
    name bed sizes after royalty, they
    should have named a Full, a Duke
    instead, if you think about it.

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