Best Jesus Quotes This Month

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
April 26, 2013 11:06pm UTC

This guy was listening to really loud gospel music at the library and one the
librarian asked him to turn it down and he said, "You can't turn down Jesus!"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 180 points

Yourbeautiful*
posted a quote
April 4, 2013 3:47am UTC

Even Jesus had scars on his hands,
but that never stopped him from changing the world

👍 this is good · read the comments · 127 points

dreamer*
posted a quote
February 13, 2014 10:17am UTC

jesus: mom I told you I didn't want a big party
mary: THE WHOLE WORLD WILL CELEBRATE EVERY YEAR

👍 this is good · read the comments · 123 points

BravoSierra
posted a quote
March 29, 2013 11:04am UTC

BravoSierra's format
Easter Sunday, the day Jesus rose from the dead,
looked Satan in the face and said "Game Over."

👍 this is good · read the comments · 122 points

dreamer*
posted a quote
November 5, 2013 10:23am UTC

You wake up on christmas morning and go downstairs,
full of excitement.Somebody is stealing all of your christmas
presents.It is jesus. “It's my birthday, not yours” he hisses
menacingly, then runs away with all your gifts in his arms.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 118 points

Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 3, 2013 8:44pm UTC

"Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say." --John 8:34
Wait. Did Jesus say the equivalent of "Did I stutter?" Jesus is so sassy.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 104 points

dolph*
posted a quote
May 16, 2013 3:47pm UTC

if you are ever having trouble on a test, just write “jesus” for the answer
and then when they mark it wrong just be like "but jesus is always the answer, god bless"

👍 this is good · read the comments · 111 points

Rebellion
posted a quote
August 4, 2013 6:45am UTC

Jesus: Listen, y'all love everyone, treat them how you would want to be treated.
Society: Jesus, what if they're gay?
Jesus: Did I studder?

👍 this is good · read the comments · 110 points

DeathOfASon
posted a quote
June 17, 2013 4:41pm UTC

In Catholic school
We are told that Jesus is the answer to everything. So one time during a math test I wrote Jesus for ever answer. I got a 100.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 93 points

infinityCx*
posted a quote
February 6, 2014 10:13pm UTC

Do you believe in God? Honestly. Fave if you do. I want to know how many people on here actually do.

👍 this is good · read the comments · 94 points

kaylaslife
posted a quote
April 11, 2013 10:48pm UTC

BravoSierra's format
The number of followers you have
does not make you better than anyone else. Hilter had millions. Jesus had 12.
nmf

👍 this is good · read the comments · 62 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
July 21, 2013 6:41pm UTC

Me: *sneezes*
Everyone:
Someone else: *sneezes*
Teacher: Bless you
Students: Bless you
Principal: Bless you
Class Hamster: Bless you
Jesus: Bless you
God: Bless you
Tupac: Bless you

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 56 points

BlackButterflies
posted a quote
May 5, 2013 4:35am UTC

oh god I was in a cafe with my family getting breakfast, and i ordered eggs benedict except the eggs were overcooked and it was basically really gross, so my sister took one look at it and bellowed,
"That's not Eggs Benedict! THAT IS EGGS CUMBERBATCH!"
I REALLY HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTAND HOW FUNNY THIS IS

👍 this is good · read the comments · 51 points

happiest*
posted a quote
April 27, 2013 4:55am UTC

Jesus never said it would be easy
~He said it would be worth it~

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 51 points

goawayanthony*
posted a quote
August 6, 2013 12:16am UTC

It's so obvious, people
Steve is a dinosaur

👍 this is good · read the comments · 53 points

CharliesTheName
posted a quote
December 17, 2013 8:01pm UTC

I remember
when I was 13 and I was in church
and we were getting ready for the
Christmas pageant for the old people
and the theme was a news report
about Jesus' birth.
So the 14 year olds in confirmation class
had to make a poster that said
"Channel 8 News"
but on the day of the pageant they gave one
that said "Channel 69 News"
and they all were forced to take
another year of confirmation class

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 43 points

pinkneonlights_
posted a quote
June 21, 2013 3:09pm UTC

when you discover new music and it feels like you found jesus

👍 this is good · read the comments · 41 points

capsized*
posted a quote
March 22, 2014 7:35pm UTC

okay so we know about jesus when he’s a baby, and jesus when he’s an adult, but does the bible ever mention his rebellious teenager years?
‘jesus, go feed the donkey.’
‘yOU’RE NOT MY REAL FATHER’

👍 this is good · read the comments · 39 points

RealGrandpaWitty
posted a quote
May 24, 2013 11:47am UTC

When I was your age
the bracelets read
"What Will Jesus Do?"

👍 this is good · comment on this quote · 37 points

ThatOneGIrlYouNeverForget
posted a quote
May 31, 2013 11:02am UTC

Oh my god.
The doctors think that I'll survive.
They said that I look better,
and I still have a chance to fight.
I went to one of those breast-cancer walk-a-thons,
and many people praised me...
I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO VERY MUCH....
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

👍 this is good · read the comments · 38 points

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Best Jesus Quotes This Month