Hey, if you're reading this I miss you much. I wish you were here right now to tell me that stupid boy isn't worth my tears. I wish you were here to hold me close and make stupid jokes about how you're gonna shoot him when you see him again. I wish you were here right now to comfort me and take me to McDonald's and get me that big dumb junky order of fries, a milkshake, and a double cheeseburger, and then make fun of me for dipping the fries in the milkshake. I wish you were here right now to walk 4 miles in the middle of the night Pokémon hunting with me. I wish you were here right now to tell me you don't even notice that dumb pimple. I wish you were here right now to check up on me every couple of minutes, because I use to get so annoyed. I wish you were with me giving me advice on what the hell I should do right now. I took you for granted, and I miss you much.
I want the "old" you I want the you that use to sing me to sleep I want the you that used to hold me when I cried I want the you that told me he loved me everyday I want the you that kissed me to say good morning I want the you that held me during scary movies I want the you that told me I was beautiful I want the you that didn't hide everything from me I want the you that dropped anything to be with me I want the you that use to look at me and smile I want the you that held me every night I want the you that remembered the little things I want the you that loved me "unconditionally" I want the you that liked my craziness I want the you that laughed with me I want the you that I first met I want the you that I feel in love with
I get the f.ucking breath knocked out of me whenever I'm out in public and see a little boy your height and size with your pale blond hair. It happens surprisingly often, too often for my liking. My heartbeat pounds wildly and I can't focus on anything else in my surroundings until the child turns around and I get a look at his face and ascertain that it's not you. I think a new fissure appears in my fragile heart with every occurrence of this. I don't know what the hell I would do if it was you. Run to you sobbing, probably. But that would startle you and alarm your mother, who never got a chance to know me and how much you, her son, meant to me. You likely wouldn't even remember me, and would burst into tears, but not for the same reason as me. And that would hurt me as much as the pain of losing you unexpectedly has. Still, I hope endlessly for this chance encounter, and I hope by some miracle you will actually recognize me and greet me with the same angelic smile and light gentle kiss you used to, that warmed me to my very core. I want to believe that this small town's boundaries will eventually implode and nudge you back into my arms, if only for one more brief time. I want to believe that even if, against my fervent wishes, it never does, you will forever feel how much I love and care and pray for you. You were the purest thing ever to enter my life, and I will hold onto that blessing in a knuckle-whitening grip until the end of my days.
I still love you. And sometimes, my friend, the love that I have, and can’t give to you, crushes the breath from my chest. Sometimes, even now, my heart is drowning in a sorrow that has no stars without you, and no laughter, and no sleep.
crimson24 posted a quote
March 5, 2017 10:15pm UTC
you would have looked great in that wig. your smile still lit up the room. your voice came through to my eardrums like the most pleasant noise on planet earth...but now you're gone...and i miss you...i miss you so much it's unsafe for me to drive. i might burst into tears, might not realise the road is turning, might hit a wall. it physically hurts. it hurts to breathe. why does this hit me now when nobody is near? i wouldnt have seen you for 5 of these 6 years but it still hurts so damn much. when can i see you again? i miss you. so much. so. damn. much. ...and now i'm letting go...