So this is my non-permanent goodbye? I don't come on here much anymore. I just don't have the time for it and I'm no longer into making quotes. But I wanted to say goodbye. And thank you. Thank you guys for giving me a place in the world for a little while. You guys gave me a home and made me feel wanted when no one else really did. And I can't thank you enough for it or tell you how much I love you all. I might be back, I might not. I love you all!
I'm staring at the bedsheets, trying to find a lie. Because the truth is choking me. And I'm praying to God that you don't see how afraid I am. You're looking for something that I'm not entirely sure is there, and I'm searching for the words to keep you there, in the moment that stretched on forever.
I tend to hide my unhappinesses from others. I keep them tucked away until they start to unravel themselves, until they really get to me. Then I talk about them and people don't seem to know how to respond. Most of my friends seem shocked, as though they think I should always be chipper and blissfully content with my life no matter what. But when that happens, I have music and God to help me. The Lord is always there to listen, always there to comfort me and help me figure out what to do next. And music helps a lot too, certain songs can help me feel better, and help me to clear my head and such.
"I can't stress to you enough how much I can relate to teens being cyberbullied. Something that helps me is looking at old videos of me and my friends from middle school, or videos of my family. I love watching funny videos of my favorite people - it really cheers me up."
Secrecy posted a quote
November 4, 2014 2:09pm UTC
Sometimes I wish life was black and white, systematic, straight forward, methodical... But it's not, because the line between good and bad is so very blurred. I could ask you to define morality but would you be able to define it in such a way that all 7 billlion humans or so all concious, thinking minds on the earth will agree with your definition? Probably not.
Do you ever feel like you truly worry too much? Like you worry about your cat when it's been outside for two days and it's cold and rainy out..? And about your friends? And about your family? And about when the he.ll you're going to start getting somewhere in life? And about a bunch of other things? I do..... And I hate how much I worry about stuff sometimes. Because when the things I worry about going wrong do go wrong....then I feel worse.. But luckily my worries usually turn out to be wrong, and everything's alright. So the good usually outweighs the bad, but the bad still really really sucks..
you don't get it. i'm not sad and miserable all the time. i have this deep feeling inside me that takes all of these emotions at once and mushes them all together to create something i can't exactly describe. i'm suffocating in my own body. i can actually feel myself slipping away. i can be surrounded by so many wonderful people and have this feeling that no one even wants me there and that i'm a burden. so i isolate myself from everyone and keep them all at a certain distance so i don't end up getting hurt. but that doesn't work. i hurt anyway. i hurt all the time and i don't know why. i'm forced into this skin that isn't mine. i've tried cutting my way out releasing whatever there is inside but it always comes back and i don't understand. i just know i'm not 'sad and miserable.'
Sometimes I care too much.. Sometimes I overthink things.. Sometimes I don't completely understand certain things at first.. Sometimes I forget things.. Sometimes I overreact... Sometimes I talk to loud, or talk too fast without realizing it.. Sometimes I do a lot of things.... But I never said I was perfect, did I?
We're all good at something, and we all have things that we're passionate about. And when the things we're really passionate about are the things that we're really good at then we're luckier than we would be otherwise.
If you really do still love me... If you really do still care... If you really do still think me special... Then prove it, because we're not as close as we were before. You might think we are, but it's not true. You've put more space between us than was there just a month ago. I haven't seen your face, gotten a hug from you, or actually hung out with you in a whole month. Nor have we even really talked all that much in a whole month. Just a month ago I still felt like you were my closest friend, my best guyfriend who could tell me anything and never said things like "I don't really wanna talk about it right now, it's personal." Who promised that things wouldn't be awkward between us, with the exception of the times when we can't help it. I just hope we don't really drift apart.
If I'm an angel, how come my wings are broken and my halo is cracked and tarnished? If I'm an angel, how come I still make big stupid mistakes? If I'm an angel, then why do I still feel like I say all the wrong things sometimes? I don't feel like an angel, I don't feel like I'm amazing, or perfect or glorious, or anything like that. I just feel like I'm me, an imperfect girl who's self-confidence wavers now and again, who doesn't judge but just accepts people as they are, who helps those who need encouragement and such, who still has her own struggles but deals with them and who sings when she feels like it, dances like a fool, hopes, prays, lives day by day, and dreams. I'm not ordinary, I'm my own person, and I'm always here to listen when needed, but I'm no angel.