Summer Love
Chapter Eleven
“I think I get kind of attached to people,” I said. “It really bothers me that I can’t just be normal. I mean, I have my dad’s fans following me everywhere just because I’m his daughter and it’s awful. He did all he could to give me a normal childhood but it wasn’t enough. I never had any privacy and was always being sucked into drama with him and my mom. When he decided not to hand me over to foster people, he got a lot of crap for it, and so did I. I was hunted down and threatened until I was thirteen. I don’t really know why it stopped around that age, but I guess no one was really interested in me anymore. When I started dating this kid, Anthony, all the press started up again. Well he turned into an abuser and it took me forever to get away from him.”
“Cole,” Mariah said quietly. “You aren’t as tough as you seem, are you?”
“Of course I’m not,” I said and Niall put his arm around me.
“But I wouldn’t dare talk about my emotions. Ever.”
“Why?” he asked.
“Because I’ve given up trying to get through to people that I’m not okay,” I said quietly. “I used to see someone that was supposed to help me, but my dad always came in with me and talked about my terrible behavior. After a while it wasn’t about helping me, it was about making me behave so life at home would be easier for him. I think once I realized that I really stopped trusting people. I kept everything to myself and don’t really open up much anymore.”
“Why don’t you try to?” Niall asked.
I thought for a second. Should I tell them I cut?
“I’ve been hiding something for a while,” I sighed.
“What?” Niall asked and I took a deep breath.
“I’ve spent a lot of time ignoring people,” I said. “I like to tick people off, so they yell at me and get angry with me. I don’t know why, but when people are yelling at me and I’m yelling at them I feel a lot better than, like, affection. I just don’t like positive attention, I guess, but in all reality I do. I’ve pushed people away and hidden from affection for so long that I don’t know how to ask for it and seek it. I guess that’s the problem, really. I like negative attention but somewhere deep down I hate it, but I’m too scared to ask for positive attention and affection, and when I get it, it isn’t satisfying enough.”
“Cole,” Niall sighed and he went to pull me closer to him.
“No,” I said, shaking my head and moving away from him. “Just…”
I got up and ran out of my bedroom and downstairs.
“Cole?” my dad asked and I ran into him and bawled into his shirt.
“I’m sorry,” I cried and he hugged me.
“Sorry for what?” he asked and I cried into his shirt more.
“I’m just sorry,” I cried and he rubbed my back.
“Cole,” he said quietly. “Are you okay?”
“No,” I cried and he continued rubbing circles on my back.
“It’s alright,” he said quietly. “What happened?”
“I talked about my freaking emotions,” I said, pulling away from him and he chuckled.
“Why is that a bad thing?” he asked.
“Because it makes me like this!” I said, not able to contain my little smile, and my dad chuckled.
“Would you like me to get you a Popsicle like I did when you were upset as a little girl?” he asked.
“Yes please, Daddy,” I said and he chuckled and went into the kitchen.
After a few moments he came out with a pink freeze pop, the bottom wrapped in a paper towel, just how I liked it.
“Thank you Daddy,” I said and he laughed and hugged me.
“It’s okay to not be tough all the time, you know?” he said and I nodded.
“I know,” I said and he smiled.
“Now go upstairs with your friends,” he said. “They’re probably worried.”
“No one is ever worried about me, dad,” I said. “Besides you, no one really cares about me.”
“I have a feeling that’s going to change this summer,” he said and I shrugged.
“I dunno,” I said, putting some of the plastic and freeze pop into my mouth, shrugging, and going upstairs.
Butterbear
Little_Writer_220
