i'm incredibly sick
of my grandfather and my mother getting all the sympathy for my grandmother's death. I've gotten a handful of hugs and sorry's for my loss from people, and have otherwise been completely ignored. I lost someone too. I lost a woman who comforted and inspired me in ways my own mother couldn't. I lost a person who loved me and took pride in me unconditionally. I lost a close relative and a true friend. My life was the way it was partly because of her, hell my existence was largely because of her, and now it will never be the same without her. I do not mean to sound entitled or selfish, I am aware and do not feel that this is a contest of who is suffering more deeply, and it's never been about getting attention, but I am alone in my particular form of grief and that loneliness has been intensified by people's lack of simple consideration. It bothers me to no end that my mom has been showered in gifts and keepsake memoirs and kind messages (has anyone ever thought that maybe I'd like a wax-dipped rose or a framed photograph too? Or perhaps a phone call to check in?) and my granddad gets all the praise for sharing articles and songs on Facebook that I posted and mentioned first. Writing and talking about ideas is a way for me to express myself, it is my outlet to release emotions, and I feel that that's being taken from me because he has to swoop in and steal my thoughts. Yes, I didn't know my grandmother as long as either of them and didn't get to spend as much time with her as they did, but that's merely a consequence of my age, my relationship to her and my living arrangement, none of which were ever in my control. She was still immensely important to me, as I was to her. People need to stop acting like my grandfather and mother were the only ones who loved her, the only ones who were loved by her, the only ones who were by her side when she took her last rattling breath. I'm just as hurt and scarred by this, maybe even more so because I am much younger and previously unaffected by this kind of event in life, and therefore unable to process it as easily.I suppose it doesn't matter, everyone is going to eventually stop actively caring about how we're all dealing, anyway.
Bellatrixy101*
seafoam*