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Best Friend Quotes This Week

  1. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    April 28, 2013 1:49pm UTC
    Friend: Next time a blocked number calls you, answer like this--"Jim's wh.ore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe."
    Me: No. How about, "Nashville sp.erm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. How may I help you?"
    Friend: No, you should say--"Henderson's Morgue, you stab em, we slab em. This is Eight Ball speaking."
    Me: I think I should say, "Texas creatorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em. How can I direct your call?"

  2. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    February 22, 2013 2:51pm UTC
    Me: I wish I had a toilet and sink in the corner of my room so I wouldn't have to walk all the way to the bathroom.
    Friend: That's a prison cell
    Me: In prison your food gets cooked for you, as well. I'm beginning to think that murdering people I don't like wouldn't be such a bad thing.
    Friend: You do realize that we're in public and a police officer might be around
    Me: Oh no, what are they going to do? Send me to prison?

  3. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    May 21, 2013 8:25pm UTC
    Me: What if rocks are actually soft but they tense up when we touch them?
    Friend: How stoned are you?
    Me: Was that a f.cking pun?

  4. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    May 5, 2013 4:34pm UTC
    Once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her
    mom and her mom said, "I'm on my way. Traffic is just slow." and my friend said, "Mom, I called the house phone."

  5. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 17, 2013 2:23pm UTC
    If you don’t get a little gay with your best friends you’re not close enough

  6. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    November 8, 2013 2:09pm UTC
    when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested or you’re level 99 friend-zoned
    Or she hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet.

  7. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    October 6, 2013 2:31pm UTC
    Once in high school my friend kicked her leg up and her shoe flew off and smashed into the ceiling with this huge BANG and the teacher whirled around and yelled “WHO DID THAT?” and my friend just stared at her as the ceiling tile fell and shattered on the floor between them and the shoe thumped down on top of it and my friend just went “that’s not my shoe” while standing there with one shoe on

  8. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    April 17, 2013 5:31pm UTC
    Being the unattractive friend is not easy.
    I don't think we get enough credit.

  9. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    May 10, 2013 1:01pm UTC
    My parents often warned me that people on the internet could be lying
    about who they really are. But I've found that the internet is the only place where people are truely themselves and real life is where they lie about who they really are.

  10. CookieMonster09* CookieMonster09*
    posted a quote
    September 6, 2013 3:47pm UTC
    am i the only one who gets more flattered when a stranger or someone i know a little about says 'you're pretty' or 'you're talented' than when your best friend says it. I mean, I do get happy when my best friend compliments me but i just feel like its her 'duty' to say that since she's my friend, ya know? but a stranger has a choice to say it and that makes it more special. please tell me i'm not the only one.

  11. spence* spence*
    posted a quote
    June 15, 2013 4:19pm UTC
    My friend left
    her phone at my house.
    I read through her texts. I don't know why.
    I knew I shouldn't have. most of them
    were about how much she hates me.

  12. ChocoTaco ChocoTaco
    posted a quote
    September 14, 2013 5:39pm UTC
    If you ever need a friend remember I will always be here for you
    Especially when you're
    (ಥ ̯ ಥ) Upset
    (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡 Angry
    ヽ(゚Д゚)ノ Scared
    ლ(╹◡╹ლ) Happy
    ∩(︶▽︶)∩ Excited
    ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ Being tough
    (((*°▽°*)八(*°▽°*)))♪ (︶︹︺) Making me a third wheel
    (•⊙ω⊙•) Weird
    (◕‿◕✿) Girly
    (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) In love
    ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) Tickling me
    ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) Desperate
    (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧ Fangirling
    ლ(இ益இლ Ugly
    ͼ(ݓ_ݓ)ͽ Meditating
    ༺‿༻ Out of this world
    (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ Being sweet
    ( ̄。 ̄)~zzz Lazy
    (⊙﹏⊙) Insane
    (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ Overly affectionate
    ( ´ิ(ꈊ) ´ิ) Plotting
    ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ Showing off
    ٩(͡๏̮͡๏)۶ Super happy
    ಠ~ಠ Confused
    (。♥‿♥。) Crushing
    (˘‿˘ʃƪ) Lovely
    (ง'̀-'́)ง Sticking up for me
    ͼ(ݓ_ݓ)ͽ Shutting me out
    ミ●﹏☉ミ Out of the loop
    (✖╭╮✖) Dead

  13. happiest* happiest*
    posted a quote
    November 18, 2013 2:11pm UTC
    OMG ive always wanted a gay best friend!!!
    or a straight best friend
    or a best friend.
    or a friend

  14. Jessica♥* Jessica♥*
    posted a quote
    February 23, 2013 9:31pm UTC
    *on the phone*
    friend: Well, I'm really tired so I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight.
    *30 minutes later*
    friend: *posts facebook status, posts instagram photo, retweets 20 tweets, goes to the mall, cooks a gourmet dinner, buys the mall, builds an amusement park, discovers new element, opens a zoo, paints house pink, marries an octopus, has ten kids, figures out the string theory, and starts a clothing line*

  15. ChocoTaco ChocoTaco
    posted a quote
    September 22, 2013 7:12pm UTC
    Do you ever have a friend crush on someone?
    You know when you're dying to become friends with someone you don't know that well? Not romantically, you just really want to be their friend. Their whole being just seems so awesome that you feel the need to initiate a friendship with them but you don't know how.

  16. SPN SPN
    posted a quote
    March 14, 2013 11:28pm UTC

    you've got a friend in me

  17. Travis Allred* Travis Allred*
    posted a quote
    March 21, 2013 7:47pm UTC
    True friend is someone
    who see the pain in your eyes
    while everyone believes the
    smile on your face.

  18. Hale_Storm18 Hale_Storm18
    posted a quote
    April 30, 2013 2:22pm UTC
    Me: My mom brought Five Guys home! I'm so excited! Oh my gosh!
    Friend: Your mom what?
    Me: Clarification: Five Guys is a restaurant chain that specializes in gourmet burgers and fries. I'm not having an orgy.

  19. *Elena;~ ♥* *Elena;~ ♥*
    posted a quote
    July 28, 2013 6:24pm UTC
    If on the first day of school a kid says
    "present" instead of "here"
    during attendance you know they're gonna be an annoying little sh.t bag.

  20. flyingbacon7 flyingbacon7
    posted a quote
    February 21, 2013 6:06pm UTC
    Sometimes I feel like the friend
    That everybody secretly hates


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