Friend: Next time a blocked number calls you, answer like this--"Jim's wh.ore house. You got the dough, we got the hoe." Me: No. How about, "Nashville sp.erm bank, you squeeze it we freeze it. How may I help you?" Friend: No, you should say--"Henderson's Morgue, you stab em, we slab em. This is Eight Ball speaking." Me: I think I should say, "Texas creatorium. You kill 'em, we grill 'em. How can I direct your call?"
Me: I wish I had a toilet and sink in the corner of my room so I wouldn't have to walk all the way to the bathroom. Friend: That's a prison cell Me: In prison your food gets cooked for you, as well. I'm beginning to think that murdering people I don't like wouldn't be such a bad thing. Friend: You do realize that we're in public and a police officer might be around Me: Oh no, what are they going to do? Send me to prison?
happiest* posted a quote
October 6, 2013 2:31pm EDT
Once in high school my friend kicked her leg up and her shoe flew off and smashed into the ceiling with this huge BANG and the teacher whirled around and yelled “WHO DID THAT?” and my friend just stared at her as the ceiling tile fell and shattered on the floor between them and the shoe thumped down on top of it and my friend just went “that’s not my shoe” while standing there with one shoe on
My parents often warned me that people on the internet could be lying about who they really are. But I've found that the internet is the only place where people are truely themselves and real life is where they lie about who they really are.
am i the only one who gets more flattered when a stranger or someone i know a little about says 'you're pretty' or 'you're talented' than when your best friend says it. I mean, I do get happy when my best friend compliments me but i just feel like its her 'duty' to say that since she's my friend, ya know? but a stranger has a choice to say it and that makes it more special. please tell me i'm not the only one.
ChocoTaco posted a quote
September 14, 2013 5:39pm EDT
If you ever need a friend remember I will always be here for you Especially when you're (ಥ ̯ ಥ) Upset (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡 Angry ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ Scared ლ(╹◡╹ლ) Happy ∩(︶▽︶)∩ Excited ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ Being tough (((*°▽°*)八(*°▽°*)))♪ (︶︹︺) Making me a third wheel (•⊙ω⊙•) Weird (◕‿◕✿) Girly (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc) In love ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ) Tickling me ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ) Desperate (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ Fangirling ლ(இ益இლ Ugly ͼ(ݓ_ݓ)ͽ Meditating ༺‿༻ Out of this world (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ Being sweet (￣。￣)～ｚｚｚ Lazy (⊙﹏⊙) Insane (づ￣ ³￣)づ Overly affectionate ( ´ิ(ꈊ) ´ิ) Plotting ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ Showing off ٩(͡๏̮͡๏)۶ Super happy ಠ~ಠ Confused (｡♥‿♥｡) Crushing (˘‿˘ʃƪ) Lovely (ง'̀-'́)ง Sticking up for me ͼ(ݓ_ݓ)ͽ Shutting me out ミ●﹏☉ミ Out of the loop (✖╭╮✖) Dead
Jessica♥* posted a quote
February 23, 2013 9:31pm EST
*on the phone* friend: Well, I'm really tired so I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight. *30 minutes later* friend: *posts facebook status, posts instagram photo, retweets 20 tweets, goes to the mall, cooks a gourmet dinner, buys the mall, builds an amusement park, discovers new element, opens a zoo, paints house pink, marries an octopus, has ten kids, figures out the string theory, and starts a clothing line*
ChocoTaco posted a quote
September 22, 2013 7:12pm EDT
Do you ever have a friend crush on someone? You know when you're dying to become friends with someone you don't know that well? Not romantically, you just really want to be their friend. Their whole being just seems so awesome that you feel the need to initiate a friendship with them but you don't know how.
Me: My mom brought Five Guys home! I'm so excited! Oh my gosh! Friend: Your mom what? Me: Clarification: Five Guys is a restaurant chain that specializes in gourmet burgers and fries. I'm not having an orgy.