Facepalm Quotes

*Cards Against Humanity*
posted a quote
December 21, 2013 5:58am UTC

When your trying to log onto your Facebook account and a notification pops up saying want to join Facebook? Make an account now! And your just like
*facepalm*
I already have facebook

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Carla Crahan.*
posted a quote
December 15, 2013 3:33pm UTC

''Emo'' music
Pierce The Veil: I kissed her scars on her skin, I still think you're beautiful.
Sleeping With Sirens: They say that love is forever, your forever it's all that I need.
Of Mice & Men: This is not what it is only baby scars, I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side.
Bring Me The Horizon: They say I'm better off dead, 'cause heaven's full and hell won't have me.
''Good'' music
Lil Wayne: I almost drowned in her p*ssy so I swam to her butt.
Justin Bieber: And I was baby, baby, baby oh. Like baby, baby, baby no. Like baby, baby, baby oh.
2 Chainz: All I want for my birthday is a big booty hoe, she got a big booty so I call her big booty.
Nicki Minaj: You a st*pid hoe you a you a st*pid hoe you a st*pid hoe you a you a st*pid hoe
:facepalm:
(C)Karma'saB¡tchRight

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InspirationalCookie
posted a quote
December 11, 2013 10:42pm UTC

The kids at my school don't know any 20th century bands.
"Do you know the band Queen?"
"What are they?"
"You know....'We Will Rock You', 'We Are the Champions',
'Bohemian Rhapsody'..."
"Oh, you mean The Beatles?"

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*♥︎Lady Ave♥︎*
posted a quote
December 4, 2013 8:04pm UTC

Sister: *trying to cook bacon* No oils or nothing in the pan?
Me: No oils, no nothing.
Sister: Okay. Wait, why isn't it sizzling?
Me: I don't know.
Sister: OH I forgot to turn it on!
Me: *facepalm*

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emilygm*
posted a quote
November 20, 2013 7:00pm UTC

Phil's channel trailer: Get Your Phil of Amazing
Me: Omfg the point is to persuade people that your channel is cool, not that you're a middle-aged dad stuck in the 90's and in denial about life.

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AshleyyMariee
posted a quote
November 11, 2013 9:55pm UTC

"It's against my religion to have se.x before I'm married."Oh, well then please explain to me how you're pregnant..

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Roya*
posted a quote
November 4, 2013 10:47pm UTC

*Opens Google Chrome*
*Types Google In Search Bar*
*Facepalms* WTF!? Why Did I Type Google IN Google Chrome?
What Has This Generation Turned Into!?

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Roya*
posted a quote
November 3, 2013 10:24pm UTC

*Opens Google Chrome*
*Types Google In Search Bar*
*Facepalms*
WTF!? Why Did I Type Google?

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DreamLikeReality
posted a quote
October 30, 2013 6:07am UTC

Me: *checking witty, bored*Me: Hmm, I've seen this all before. Theres nothing new. Me: *lets go do something else*Me: *gets up* Hmm, what to do, what to do.Me: Oh! Maybe I'll check witty!

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britany*
posted a quote
October 28, 2013 9:32pm UTC

Me: *sees girl with The Beatles T shirt on*
Me: Oh, you like The Beatles?
Her: Ew no, I hate bugs.

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Amenah
posted a quote
October 18, 2013 11:41am UTC

I really don't get why
some users have a link on their profile to a text host page with... their links.
Like... what does that even achieve? o.e

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*VA VA VOOM*
posted a quote
October 13, 2013 5:13pm UTC

Me: What's with girls obsessing over guys with British accents.
Me: I mean, yeah, it's cute bu-
Me: Oh...

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JustNodandSmile
posted a quote
October 5, 2013 2:57pm UTC

Wow.
Look's like
Witty's turned into a huge lame pun contest
...
...
...
a puntest.

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JustNodandSmile
posted a quote
October 4, 2013 5:35pm UTC

math worsheet pun #1
What do mechanics charge to fix tires?
A flat rate.
get it?
A flat rate!

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*♥︎Lady Ave♥︎*
posted a quote
October 2, 2013 12:58am UTC

Guy Who Sits In My Group In Science: I make girls very happy, thank you.
Girl #1 Who Sits In My Group In Science: Oh yeah? How?
Guy: I will buy them hair stuff from Bath and Body Works
Me: And what hair stuff do you think you're gonna get from BATH and BODY works?
Girl #1: Yeah. Bath and BODY works. Not bath and hair works.
Girl #2: WHAT I HEARD BATH AND BODY WORKS.
Hair Stuff From Bath and Body Works.
Hair Stuff From Bath and Body Works.
Hair Stuff From Bath and Body Works.
Hair Stuff From Bath and Body Works.

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๑°`°º¤ø тнe_ιмpoѕѕιвle_gιrl_wнo_waιтed ø¤º°`°๑ *
posted a quote
September 25, 2013 5:11pm UTC

me:*on the phone with my grandfather*
grandfather: so, whatcha doin' right now?
me: well, I'm just listening to some music and-
friend: BRI, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON~!
me:
grandfather:
me:
grandfather: What the hell kind of music do you listen to?

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๑°`°º¤ø тнe_ιмpoѕѕιвle_gιrl_wнo_waιтed ø¤º°`°๑ *
posted a quote
September 16, 2013 9:13am UTC

guy friend: so... how are things going with you know who?
me: you're either talking about Voldemort or my boyfriend...
guy friend: more or likely the same thing.

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ShushImEating
posted a quote
September 5, 2013 12:08am UTC

Went skating with my boyfriend
The Next Day:
Girl: hey! i saw you at the skating rink yesterday!
Me: oh yeah! hey!
Girl: yeah u were there with your brother right?
- F a c e p a l m -

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๑°`°º¤ø тнe_ιмpoѕѕιвle_gιrl_wнo_waιтed ø¤º°`°๑ *
posted a quote
September 2, 2013 3:01pm UTC

friend: you need a man. it's time I teach you a secret...the secret of flirting.
me:lol no.
friend:*sees hot guys in the distance*...our time has come...
friend: hey *winks* you know, you're pretty cute!
friend:*whispers* say something to his friend.
me: uhhh....ummm..... if you were a potato, you'd be a cute potato.
guy:what.
other guy: what is she on...?
friend: *facepalm*
And that is why I don't try to flirt.

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thevortex
posted a quote
September 2, 2013 8:52am UTC

I hate it when people see me at the shop and they're all like "Hey! What are you doing here?" And i'm like "Oh, you know, hunting elephants"

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