The need to cut is like an itch I cannot scratch All I want is that blade slicing through my skin Taking away the pain you caused Making it hurt less Why do you always threaten to leave me? Don't you know how much that kills me? Do you even care? If there is no care in that What's the point of being here? I am just a failure A horrible, messed up failure All I want is to slice my skin open Feel the pain that doesn't hurt Blind the pain that is there Watch as the red pools over Spills down the beautiful white skin Why am I so messed up?
I'll be honest, I don't understand today's society. There's too much pressure to be something else. Why can't people just be themselves? Being able to open up and literally laugh uncontrollably with someone is one of the best feelings in the world.
You used me. You treated me like I was easily replaceable. How dare you take my time, all those hours where I gave you the best of me, helped you when you were at your lowest. How does it feel to have stripped me of all my emotions? You knew I would fall, you knew that I was falling but you fed me lie after lie. You let me fall head first. I guess that was my fault, everybody knows you jump in feet first! Damn I feel so stupid, I am stupid I thought that you of all people would catch me… I guess I was stuck in my dreams for too long, so wrapped up in the “what if’s” that I didn’t see the gun practically pointed in my face. I guess we were playing Russian roulette only you knew very well when the bullet would kill me. How naïve am I? How dumb could I be? I basically let you into my own personal safe haven and you laid it to ruins. You latched onto my heart hands tightly grasped around a beat skipping heart and tugged. You heard my cries of pain and yet you continued to tug. I held your gaze while you did it, I watched as the emotion in your eyes switch from pity and disgust to a sadistic form of joy. You knew you were playing with my life, you knew I was fragile and yet you continued to twist and turn my heart into abnormal positons. You tried to kill me and showed no remorse for it. The tears that raced down my face had no effect on you. Were my cries of agony a symphony to you!? What type of a person would you have to be, to be so cruel? The sad part of all of this, I know what type of person you are and regardless of the pain you put me in I will always run back and why is that? Because I see the good in you, I see the good you can be. Why is it so hard for you to be good? Why is it difficult for you to care? Talk to me!!! I need you to talk to me!! I need you to need me the way I needed you the same way I craved you. Are you happy? You’ve put me in the most unbearable pain! I’m dying, I’m bleeding here and what are you doing? Huh? You’re happy! STOP!! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!! Get out of my head! Leave my dreams!! Release my heart from your grasp! Let me go and met me hit the ground! WAIT!!! Don’t go!! Don’t leave me please! I need you to wrap me in your lies, I need you to not care so that I can care some more! I need you to fuel my anger and my grief! I need you to cause me pain so I can try and make excuses for you and try to save, I need you to notice that I am fighting with myself! I need you… I’m going insane… You’ve made me loose myself… I’m numb. I ran out of excuses for you to want me. I’ve run out of options… Mdi5
BEING TENDER and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep… feel it all – look around you – all of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love.