Best Church Quotes Today

Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 5, 2014 3:14pm UTC

The nicest people I've ever
met were covered in
tattoos and piercings. The
most judgemental people
I've met are the ones who
go to church every Sunday.

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
March 2, 2013 1:12pm UTC

*Me In Church*
On the outside: *Looking at the priest doing nothing*
On the inside: *Having this amazing story in my head where ninjas break in through the windows, and I have to rescue all the scared people in the church. Then I save the day and everyone loves me.*

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Hale_Storm18
posted a quote
May 5, 2013 6:59pm UTC

I have a friend and her mom forced her to go to church against her will.
When the holy water at the church touched her skin, she screamed "It burns." Long story short, she isn't allowed back in that church anymore.

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happiest*
posted a quote
September 1, 2013 2:19pm UTC

someone take miley cyrus to church or buy her a bible or smthn

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wittygirl1
posted a quote
August 17, 2013 9:04pm UTC

My room is now blade and match free
I'm not on diet pills
I'm eating three meals a day
I haven't cut in three months
I haven't broke down in three weeks
I no longer get bullied cause I stand up for myself
And I'm actually going to church tomorrow
I've never been so proud of myself.
:)

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
October 29, 2013 8:44pm UTC

As a young child during church
I would have little contests in my head among the other people in the church. Like who was the best looking in each pew, who had the best/worse makeup, and who had the coolest design on their shirt.
And then I'd make set up scenarios in my head. Like I'd imagine a bunch of criminals bursting into church and me having to save all the people, and then I would become a saint.
When all else failed, I'd count the number of tiles on the ceiling.

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jariley*
posted a quote
April 21, 2013 10:43am UTC

I prayed for you in church today♥
This morning I was deciding on who to pray for. I thought about you wittians. I thought about how much you say life stinks, and nobody cares about you. I prayed for you guys that maybe God can help you seek the light. Maybe that the person you love will tell you or depression won't get the best of you. I prayed for you because I care.

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happiest*
posted a quote
May 31, 2013 4:35pm UTC

Today..
I w a s i n c h u r c h.
&& a couple were celebrating
their 60 year marriage
M y l i t t l e b r o t h e r
tugged on my sweater
& commented;;
I didn't know it could last that long
I asked "What do you mean, 'it' ?"
he smiled and replied:
"Love."
true story :]

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† *
posted a quote
March 24, 2013 8:17pm UTC

When you come late to church,
And everybody in the whole church is silent and they start staring at you as you walk in.

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
December 17, 2013 8:01pm UTC

I remember
when I was 13 and I was in church
and we were getting ready for the
Christmas pageant for the old people
and the theme was a news report
about Jesus' birth.
So the 14 year olds in confirmation class
had to make a poster that said
"Channel 8 News"
but on the day of the pageant they gave one
that said "Channel 69 News"
and they all were forced to take
another year of confirmation class

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dinosaur_rawr
posted a quote
April 19, 2013 6:38pm UTC

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?
Church
sorry if this offends anyone I just thought it was funny

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MadiCakes
posted a quote
March 12, 2014 6:39pm UTC

I walked in on my brother.
Watching por'n.
And... Well... Touching... That...
Brb going to church, to cleanse my eyes with holy water.

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googlekid1746
posted a quote
May 5, 2013 11:52pm UTC

Today was a big day,
Me and Lyn walked into our church, and Lyn's pregnant belly (which has poped up basically over night) was in full swing and this woman walked up too us and said "I'm sorry for your tragity," The first thing I thought of was my brother, he died a few years ago and its getting close too the anniversary of his death, then I came to realize she wasn't talking about my brother or any loss of any kind. She was talking about the baby, she was talking about my baby. I went into shock for a few seconds, she really thought this baby, my and Lyns baby was a horrific mistake.
I know that we are REALLY too young to have a baby, but yet it happened. Today in church as always I was sitting aside Lyn and the preacher was talking about all of Gods miracles and all he does for us. Well it got me thinking, if God didn't want us too have this baby, would he have given her too us? But really? How on this planet could this baby or ANY baby be a mistake? They are blessings that we take for granted. We don't have children just too repopulate the world but too teach us love. But today it made me realize that people thought going through with bringing this baby into the world wad a mistake, I bet they thought the same thing when I asked Lyn too marry me, but I knew when I asked her I didn't and still don't want too ever be with someone besides her and I also know this baby isn't and will NEVER BE A
MISTAKE.

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dolph*
posted a quote
June 23, 2013 4:56pm UTC

gettin a b'oner in church cos u was touched by an angel <3

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Lifehappens
posted a quote
August 18, 2013 3:55pm UTC

If god answers your
Prayer,
He is increasing your Faith.
If he delays,
He is testing your patience.
If he doesn't answer your prayers,
He is preparing the best for you.

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
October 26, 2014 2:06pm UTC

Mom: But Allison, you can't wear a Slipknot t-shirt to church.

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Harley Clown*
posted a quote
September 16, 2014 10:38am UTC

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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*Freedom*
posted a quote
September 2, 2013 11:23am UTC

Smoking weed doesn't make you a bad person,
Like going to church doesn't make you a good person

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
July 11, 2014 7:34pm UTC

Priest: Open to Leviticus 4:20 haha praise it.

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lil_purple_flower
posted a quote
November 25, 2013 2:15am UTC

And the truth is airports have seen more sincere kisses than wedding halls. And the walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of the churches.

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Best Church Quotes Today