Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Catholic priest: Let's go out and help the community! Luthern minister: Okay! *Both gets signs* *Priest sign reads: It is coming to an end* *Minister sign reads: Turn around before it's too late* Man in car: Save that church crap for your own time. Stupid @#$! *Car drives away and you hear a huge splash* Priest: Maybe we should change our signs to "BRIDGE IS CLOSED" (Not mine, but I thought it would put a smile to your faces!)
Confession #2: Whenever me and my family go to church, my family are the only people clapping in the recessional song, or the last song. People always stare and I hide my face in the song sheet. I tell them to stop, but they always say, "No, Catherine. If we clap, then other people will, too." But other people never do. Ah, family. A bunch of creatures that love to embarrass and annoy you.
I hate how I have to clarify to people that I don't hate gay people. The bible is open to interpretation, not every Christian/Catholic is anti-gay. Everyone makes such a big deal about some people assuming all Muslims are terrorists (obviously not all are, not even close to all) just because some are, so why doesn't anyone say anything when people make anti Christian quotes just because some people are anti-gay. Remember, Christians get hate too and are also stereo typed, when you want equality, make sure you're equal to EVERYONE. ~really just had to say that as I've had a lot of hate recently~
Dad: So we're going to church tomorrow morning? Mom: .... Younger Brother: Man, no one told me this..gaaah Me: I quit religion awhile ago. I'm not obligated by law. I'm allergic to things that don't make sense. No.
I remember when I was 13 and I was in church and we were getting ready for the Christmas pageant for the old people and the theme was a news report about Jesus' birth. So the 14 year olds in confirmation class had to make a poster that said "Channel 8 News" but on the day of the pageant they gave one that said "Channel 69 News" and they all were forced to take another year of confirmation class
SkyeVenom posted a quote
December 9, 2013 3:29pm UTC
If you don't understand mental illness, good. Good for you. You shouldn't have to. If you don't understand why some people can't get out of bed in the morning, good. I hope you jump out of bed ever single day; ready to take the world by storm. If you don't understand how someone could drag a blade across their skin, good. I hope you're never that desperate to feel something. If you don't understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she's lost in the process, good. Stay heavy & present & real. If you don't understand why he won't just go to church or rehab or find someone who can help him, good. I hope you always have somewhere to turn. If you don't understand how someone can keep swallowing bottles of pills, tying knots in ropes, or standing at the top of a bridge, good. I hope you never feel that desperate for relief. If you don't understand, good. You're not supposed to. It's all f.ucking sick. Thank God for ignorance, it's healthy.