Church Quotes

macdaddy118
posted a quote
May 30, 2016 2:37am UTC

We worship in the bedroom.
The only heaven I'll be sent to,
is when I'm alone with you.

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Lost_Girl_98*
posted a quote
January 22, 2015 2:48pm UTC

Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life. I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death, good god, let me give you my life.

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
October 26, 2014 2:06pm UTC

Mom: But Allison, you can't wear a Slipknot t-shirt to church.

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Goose
posted a quote
September 18, 2014 5:38pm UTC

My friend whenever his mother manages to drag him to church: *wears all black**walks up to random person*"I can't wait to go home!!! I'll tell Satan you say hi!!!"

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Harley Clown*
posted a quote
September 16, 2014 10:38am UTC

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

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Grace*
posted a quote
September 13, 2014 4:01pm UTC

Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls.
The walls of hospital have heard more prayers than the walls of church.

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ChocoTaco
posted a quote
July 11, 2014 7:34pm UTC

Priest: Open to Leviticus 4:20 haha praise it.

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xXAGirlWithManyScarsXx*
posted a quote
May 19, 2014 10:40am UTC

Catholic priest: Let's go out and help the community!
Luthern minister: Okay!
*Both gets signs*
*Priest sign reads: It is coming to an end*
*Minister sign reads: Turn around before it's too late*
Man in car: Save that church crap for your own time. Stupid @#$!
*Car drives away and you hear a huge splash*
Priest: Maybe we should change our signs to "BRIDGE IS CLOSED"
(Not mine, but I thought it would put a smile to your faces!)

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heartofstones
posted a quote
March 26, 2014 10:15am UTC

Confession #2:
Whenever me and my family go to church, my family are the only people clapping in the recessional song, or the last song.
People always stare and I hide my face in the song sheet. I tell them to stop, but they always say, "No, Catherine. If we
clap, then other people will, too." But other people never do. Ah, family. A bunch of creatures that love to embarrass and
annoy you.

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SaturdayInJuly
posted a quote
March 16, 2014 6:35pm UTC

If you're waiting for the right time
The right time will fly right by you
Always planning, never moving
Always praying, never doing

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MadiCakes
posted a quote
March 12, 2014 6:39pm UTC

I walked in on my brother.
Watching por'n.
And... Well... Touching... That...
Brb going to church, to cleanse my eyes with holy water.

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flufflingqueen
posted a quote
March 8, 2014 2:19pm UTC

I hate how I have to clarify to people that I don't hate gay people.
The bible is open to interpretation, not every Christian/Catholic is anti-gay.
Everyone makes such a big deal about some people assuming all Muslims are terrorists (obviously not all are, not even close to all) just because some are, so why doesn't anyone say anything when people make anti Christian quotes just because some people are anti-gay.
Remember, Christians get hate too and are also stereo typed, when you want equality, make sure you're equal to EVERYONE.
~really just had to say that as I've had a lot of hate recently~

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1975_Wolf_Brides
posted a quote
February 14, 2014 3:08pm UTC

Let shadows die
So I can feel alive.
A church of lies
Cant tell me what is right.

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24601*
posted a quote
February 6, 2014 4:35am UTC

The church sign by my crib says,
"Whoever is praying for snow, please stop."

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Jordan.*
posted a quote
January 5, 2014 3:14pm UTC

The nicest people I've ever
met were covered in
tattoos and piercings. The
most judgemental people
I've met are the ones who
go to church every Sunday.

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Last Serenade*
posted a quote
December 28, 2013 10:43pm UTC

Dad: So we're going to church tomorrow morning?
Mom: ....
Younger Brother: Man, no one told me this..gaaah
Me: I quit religion awhile ago. I'm not obligated by law. I'm allergic to things that don't make sense. No.

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helloitslexi
posted a quote
December 22, 2013 11:43pm UTC

Today in church when the priest was talking, out of nowhere you hear a little girl say,
"I want a bath!!!!."

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CharliesTheName
posted a quote
December 17, 2013 8:01pm UTC

I remember
when I was 13 and I was in church
and we were getting ready for the
Christmas pageant for the old people
and the theme was a news report
about Jesus' birth.
So the 14 year olds in confirmation class
had to make a poster that said
"Channel 8 News"
but on the day of the pageant they gave one
that said "Channel 69 News"
and they all were forced to take
another year of confirmation class

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SkyeVenom
posted a quote
December 9, 2013 3:29pm UTC

If you don't understand mental illness, good. Good for you. You shouldn't have to. If you don't understand why some people can't get out of bed in the morning, good. I hope you jump out of bed ever single day; ready to take the world by storm. If you don't understand how someone could drag a blade across their skin, good. I hope you're never that desperate to feel something. If you don't understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she's lost in the process, good. Stay heavy & present & real. If you don't understand why he won't just go to church or rehab or find someone who can help him, good. I hope you always have somewhere to turn. If you don't understand how someone can keep swallowing bottles of pills, tying knots in ropes, or standing at the top of a bridge, good. I hope you never feel that desperate for relief. If you don't understand, good. You're not supposed to. It's all f.ucking sick. Thank God for ignorance, it's healthy.

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7year-hole*
posted a quote
December 3, 2013 1:09am UTC

"Airports have seen more sincere kisses than
wedding halls. Hospitals have seen more
prayers than church walls."
font cred: _Jannette |don't remove.

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