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Church Quotes

  1. macdaddy118 macdaddy118
    posted a quote
    May 30, 2016 2:37am UTC
    We worship in the bedroom.
    The only heaven I'll be sent to,
    is when I'm alone with you.

  2. Lost_Girl_98* Lost_Girl_98*
    posted a quote
    January 22, 2015 2:48pm UTC
    Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life. I'll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death, good god, let me give you my life.

  3. ChocoTaco ChocoTaco
    posted a quote
    October 26, 2014 2:06pm UTC
    Mom: But Allison, you can't wear a Slipknot t-shirt to church.

  4. Goose Goose
    posted a quote
    September 18, 2014 5:38pm UTC
    My friend whenever his mother manages to drag him to church: *wears all black**walks up to random person*"I can't wait to go home!!! I'll tell Satan you say hi!!!"

  5. Harley Clown* Harley Clown*
    posted a quote
    September 16, 2014 10:38am UTC
    Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away. Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly. Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?" "Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

  6. Grace* Grace*
    posted a quote
    September 13, 2014 4:01pm UTC
    Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls.
    The walls of hospital have heard more prayers than the walls of church.

  7. ChocoTaco ChocoTaco
    posted a quote
    July 11, 2014 7:34pm UTC
    Priest: Open to Leviticus 4:20 haha praise it.

  8. xXAGirlWithManyScarsXx* xXAGirlWithManyScarsXx*
    posted a quote
    May 19, 2014 10:40am UTC
    Catholic priest: Let's go out and help the community!
    Luthern minister: Okay!
    *Both gets signs*
    *Priest sign reads: It is coming to an end*
    *Minister sign reads: Turn around before it's too late*
    Man in car: Save that church crap for your own time. Stupid @#$!
    *Car drives away and you hear a huge splash*
    Priest: Maybe we should change our signs to "BRIDGE IS CLOSED"
    (Not mine, but I thought it would put a smile to your faces!)

  9. heartofstones heartofstones
    posted a quote
    March 26, 2014 10:15am UTC
    Confession #2:
    Whenever me and my family go to church, my family are the only people clapping in the recessional song, or the last song.
    People always stare and I hide my face in the song sheet. I tell them to stop, but they always say, "No, Catherine. If we
    clap, then other people will, too." But other people never do. Ah, family. A bunch of creatures that love to embarrass and
    annoy you.

  10. SaturdayInJuly SaturdayInJuly
    posted a quote
    March 16, 2014 6:35pm UTC
    If you're waiting for the right time
    The right time will fly right by you
    Always planning, never moving
    Always praying, never doing

  11. MadiCakes MadiCakes
    posted a quote
    March 12, 2014 6:39pm UTC
    I walked in on my brother.
    Watching por'n.
    And... Well... Touching... That...
    Brb going to church, to cleanse my eyes with holy water.

  12. flufflingqueen flufflingqueen
    posted a quote
    March 8, 2014 2:19pm UTC
    I hate how I have to clarify to people that I don't hate gay people.
    The bible is open to interpretation, not every Christian/Catholic is anti-gay.
    Everyone makes such a big deal about some people assuming all Muslims are terrorists (obviously not all are, not even close to all) just because some are, so why doesn't anyone say anything when people make anti Christian quotes just because some people are anti-gay.
    Remember, Christians get hate too and are also stereo typed, when you want equality, make sure you're equal to EVERYONE.
    ~really just had to say that as I've had a lot of hate recently~

  13. 1975_Wolf_Brides 1975_Wolf_Brides
    posted a quote
    February 14, 2014 3:08pm UTC
    Let shadows die
    So I can feel alive.
    A church of lies
    Cant tell me what is right.

  14. 24601* 24601*
    posted a quote
    February 6, 2014 4:35am UTC
    The church sign by my crib says,
    "Whoever is praying for snow, please stop."

  15. Jordan.* Jordan.*
    posted a quote
    January 5, 2014 3:14pm UTC
    The nicest people I've ever
    met were covered in
    tattoos and piercings. The
    most judgemental people
    I've met are the ones who
    go to church every Sunday.

  16. Last Serenade* Last Serenade*
    posted a quote
    December 28, 2013 10:43pm UTC
    Dad: So we're going to church tomorrow morning?
    Mom: ....
    Younger Brother: Man, no one told me this..gaaah
    Me: I quit religion awhile ago. I'm not obligated by law. I'm allergic to things that don't make sense. No.

  17. helloitslexi helloitslexi
    posted a quote
    December 22, 2013 11:43pm UTC
    Today in church when the priest was talking, out of nowhere you hear a little girl say,
    "I want a bath!!!!."

  18. CharliesTheName CharliesTheName
    posted a quote
    December 17, 2013 8:01pm UTC
    I remember
    when I was 13 and I was in church
    and we were getting ready for the
    Christmas pageant for the old people
    and the theme was a news report
    about Jesus' birth.
    So the 14 year olds in confirmation class
    had to make a poster that said
    "Channel 8 News"
    but on the day of the pageant they gave one
    that said "Channel 69 News"
    and they all were forced to take
    another year of confirmation class

  19. SkyeVenom SkyeVenom
    posted a quote
    December 9, 2013 3:29pm UTC
    If you don't understand mental illness, good. Good for you. You shouldn't have to. If you don't understand why some people can't get out of bed in the morning, good. I hope you jump out of bed ever single day; ready to take the world by storm. If you don't understand how someone could drag a blade across their skin, good. I hope you're never that desperate to feel something. If you don't understand what would drive a girl to keep starving herself despite everything she's lost in the process, good. Stay heavy & present & real. If you don't understand why he won't just go to church or rehab or find someone who can help him, good. I hope you always have somewhere to turn. If you don't understand how someone can keep swallowing bottles of pills, tying knots in ropes, or standing at the top of a bridge, good. I hope you never feel that desperate for relief. If you don't understand, good. You're not supposed to. It's all f.ucking sick. Thank God for ignorance, it's healthy.

  20. 7year-hole* 7year-hole*
    posted a quote
    December 3, 2013 1:09am UTC
    "Airports have seen more sincere kisses than
    wedding halls. Hospitals have seen more
    prayers than church walls."
    font cred: _Jannette |don't remove.


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