i guess i needed an excuse. when you watched me with careful eyes. the awkward, nervous tension. the moment you told me i shouldn't leave anytime soon. i think that's when i decided. i wanted to leave when you needed me most. i wanted to be cruel. i had never wanted to runaway so bad.
and i have been trying to pick up the pieces but you keep holding onto one. holding it above my head as if it's a game. when i'm couragous you hold tightly onto that piece. you outstretch your arm, as far as you can go. it's silly, it's too far. you only know it hurts when my tears fall. when i've given in to cowardice and accepted your embrace. when i can't hold my emotions back any longer. it's only then when you give it back to me. you only let me be whole when you're holding me. how did i get here? miscommunication and emotional unavailability. you are the embodiment of my nightmares. you stand tall before me with a smile. do you see what's happening? i'm in the palm of your hand and you're so happy. you're always so happy when you see me. you truly don't know my heart.
What should I say and where do I begin? As I meet the eyes that only see me, I feel a smile come on that weighs me down. This automatic response that makes your eyes twinkle. I have to stop doing this. I've ordered your favourite but I'm worried you won't like it when this dinner ends. All the words I've kept hidden. The thoughts my foolish heart has tried to overcome. I think I will share them tonight. A silence has fallen over us. How do I say it without breaking down? How do I leave you behind without hurting you? For you, loving was something light and beautiful. But for me it was a heavy and difficult feeling. What came easily to your heart had confused and tired mine. I can't wrap this up nicely. I can't do this anymore. What was supposed to be love has left me suffocated as I smile before you. This automatic response that keeps me here. I keep smiling at you like an idiot.
"i don't really remember what he said, i can just distinctly remember how he could make me feel. at times i felt so special and other times i felt like dirt. sometimes i was the beloved and other times a pebble in his shoe. i could be everything and nothing. he did all that but in the end it did not cancel out. i was just left feeling bitter and empty. wishing he was a better man."
ahandra22 posted a quote
April 11, 2020 3:53am UTC
In life you have lessons learned. I had that the last day in February. That is the night that i let my extremely toxic ex back in my life and ruin it for good. Yes i could have stopped him from comiing out and joining us at the bar but i was drunk and "i missed him". did i really miss him or did i just miss the fact that he was always there for me when i was crying at night or when i felt lost in this world. that i lost myself in his eyes again, i lost myself pride, my dignity, my everything. i was doing fine without him in my life i am starting a new job i was house searching and then one drunk mistake changed everything. his smile his eyes his laugh the way he looks at you when you say somthing stupid but in a cute way that he just automatically laughs and brings you in to kiss your forehead and say those three stupid words "I LOVE YOU". no you dont because if you did i wouldnt be crying myself to sleep everynight, not sleeping sometimes, checking my phone every 5 minutes thinking you would text me or call me, waiting for you to drive to my house to come pick me up and say everything is good between us, or its the fact that i always see you on my snap and i just smile and then realize you dont care about me. i have come to see the light at the end of this toxic tunnel i put myself down everytime. i know longer have your number in my phone i no longer mourn your hug or kiss or your smell. i am free from you i dont need it.
soon you'll be able to sleep well again. the sadness will be swept away in one blow. you'll eat proper meals from now on too. everything will fall at your feet. a new sun will embrace you, a new moon will watch over you. soon a spark will light up in your chest and you'll forget all the bad things. as i stroke your cheek and hold you close, i can't help but think how natural this is. of course even at this parting, comforting you is a must.
"Prove me wrong. Will I ever find someone who loves like me? Will I have to accept coldness? I'm not the type to be chipped away when met with coldness. I'm the type to only give in when I'm met with warmth. I think all my words through before saying them. I would never hurt him intentionally. Each word is careful. Prove me wrong. If you said it, how can you not mean it? I know when you're joking. Let's be honest here. You we're trying to hurt me. I'll frame it for you. Your ego was hurt and you wanted to hit back for a second. But the difference was I wasn't trying to hurt your ego or your feelings. You snapped back and used my weakness against me. I don't really want a hug right now. How can you give me the pain and the remedy all at once? I fantasized about this...being comforted by you after a long, trying day. You're only human. We're both only human. You can make mistakes. But please, let's both be more careful. I have no one else but you. If you hurt me I feel some type of way. Like I'm backed into a corner. Like I'm a little girl backed into a corner. You bring me back to that space. Small and with no where else to go. It's a bad feeling. Truly awful feeling."
when you get sick of me-- no i have to get sick of you first. odd upper under hand ideology. why can't we be equals? why am i competitive in even love? it's just the two of us but i don't know anything else. i have to love you harder, get sick of you quicker. i get sick of people. is it normal? i'm already worried about you getting sick of me. it's stupid. it's not cute. when i'm sick of someone i stop caring. i stop making time, i stop playing nice. playing nice. even in my stream of consciousness this comes out. it's all acting, playing. my true feelings are coming out. i love you but even now i worry about who will fall out of love first. burdened and anxious over useless concerns. i'll cross that bridge when i get to it, i can't just burn it now. that's all i know. upper hand, under hand. insecure mess who needs you to feel important. if you don't like me anymore then i don't like me. it's dangerous.
MaddyWaddy posted a quote
March 11, 2020 4:18pm UTC
this format was made by partie! please only use this for your QUOTES on WITTYPROFILES.COM and do not remove ANY part of the credit; that includes this credit right here and any credit that follows (c) partie You know you got me in the palm of your hand, but I love those hands