oh my god guys i'm in a cafe on my own and this massive group of popular guys i know just walked in i could say hi but im sitting at a table with a laptop and a plate of food the size of asia i'm actually making a quote just so i look like i'm doing something, not just sitting here a loser. because i am sitting here like a loser one of them's walking over in my direction help abort mission abort mission ... ... he said hey and i was too socially awkward to admit i'm here alone so i said my friends are in the bathroom which they're not. because they don't exist. because they're not real. i can't just walk out now that'd be too obvious please tell me they're getting coffee to go or something JESUS THEY GOT A TABLE RIGHT NEXT TO MINE WHY IS MY LIFE THE WAY MY LIFE IS i need to leave right now before they realise i lied about the friends but i have a coffee and it's caramel flavoured and also i have a pie and some chocolate cake don't judge me, i eat like twelve grown men why do bad things happen to good people? maybe i could take the coffee and leave? ...no it's not takeaway so I'd get arrested for stealing the cup help help help help help i wish i could make TARDIS noises and disappear but no i'm not a time machine i wish i was a time machine. abort abort abort
Soccerfata posted a quote
February 19, 2013 6:47pm UTC
So I get home and there's this random guy on my couch and he's like "Alright, I don't want to hurt you. Just put your stuff down and get on the ground. I just want your money." And I almost had a heart attack. I was like, "OMG, please no I don't have any money. I'm too young to die." Then he was like, "Nah man, I'm just messin with you. I'm your brothers friend. He's in the shower, I'm just waiting for him." That guy is a genius....
me: *pulls up blanket and punches self in face* me: *trips and falls over own feet* me: *leans chair too far back and loses balance* me: *trips up the stairs* me: *uncoordinated arm movements while running* me: *plays with pen in class, pen flies out of hand* me: *pokes self in eye while applying mascara*
How roll call will go in the future: Teacher: Welcome to class students! Please say 'here' when I call your name. Teacher: Albus Albus: Here! Teacher: Doctor Doctor: Oh, yes, um, hello. I can't talk at the moment, time's gone wibbly. Probably leave a message at the tone or something. Teacher: Um... okay? Hermione Hermione: Yes, I'm here! And when's our first test? I've been studying all Summer and- Red-headed boy in class: Oh my god, Hermione, shut up! Teacher: And you must be Ron! Okay then, Primrose Primrose: Here Random girl in back of class: I VOLUNTEER!!! Teacher: And I see Katniss has made it today as well, welcome. Blonde boy: Katniss is here?! Yes! Her Katniss, try this bread I baked this morning! Brunette boy: Oh, you'd better keep your hands off her! She's my best friend! We go hunting together! Teacher: Peeta! Gale! Stop fighting over Katniss and sit down. Teacher: Rory Doctor: Oh, Rory died yesterday, ma'am. But he should be back again tomorrow. Teacher: Oh...kay? And lastly, Draco. Draco: I'm LAST?! My father will hear about this!
Unless you physically see me opening a tampon, don't just assume that because I'm angry, I'm on my period because that's just annoying and tonight when you're sleeping, I will "just assume" you are dead and bury you in the backyard.
AWittyGirl posted a quote
March 27, 2013 5:32pm UTC
OH MY GOD GUYS I JUST WROTE A FULL SONG ABOUT WITTY. SING TO THE TUNE OF '22' BY TAYLOR SWIFT! This song is called, Awkward Teens ;) Awkward Teens (sung to the tune of 22 by taylor swift) It feels like the perfect night for sitting at home making up good quotes oh oh, oh oh It feels like one of those nights 12 o' clock ice cream I'm up on Witty I SHOULD BE SLEEEEPING Yeahhhhhh! We're anti-social, weird and awkward at the same time It's taking up our lives, oh yeahhhhhh 2 essays due tommorrow, that's the deadline BUT IT'S WITTY TIME OH OH I don't know about you But I shouldn't be up at 2 Everything will be alright just, A few more quotes to go through! Witty is the best And we're all so obsessed So I want to thank you Steve for making a website forrrr AWKWARD TEEEEEENSSSS! AWKWARD TEEEEEENSSSS!
Imagine getting married. After many months of planning, you're standing at the altar with your signifigant other. You're in a beautiful room filled with all of your friends and family. And every single person in that room over the age of 10 Knows your getting laid tonight.
the guy in the taco bell drive thru just accidentally said “have a nice day I love you” and I thoughtlessly responded “love you too” and we just sort of stared at each other for a second before I drove away