when i was a little kid, i was playing downstairs and there was a mattress standing up against the wall. it was there for a while but i remember when it fell on top of me. i couldnt move, i couldnt scream, i couldnt breathe, i couldnt even hear anything. it was the first time in my life when i learned what the panic of suffocation felt like but then suddenly i felt comfortable and suddenly i felt safe and just as suddenly, they pulled it off of me.