the words that hurt and dug deep into my skin. they were so
relentless and bold. making a home where they were not welcome.
now when i see you those words surface again. as fresh as ever,
they circulate in my head. round and round. down this path
we've walked. apologies and faked forgiveness. perhaps i am
still immature. because i can't move on. cannot accept
you've changed because those words linger. you could mean
well, but when you smile at me i feel as though you are mocking
me. when you greet me i wonder if you enjoy torturing me like
this. i always wanted to grow older and move away. this world is
so big but not big enough. i wanted to move onto another life at
some point. but with my luck i would still see you there. the me
who was small and afraid. she hides behind the me who is cold and
unapproachable. i'll reciprocate your smile and greeting. the
smile won't reach my eyes, the greeting won't ever be
genuine. i'm mature, i get it now. i just have to pretend
like everyone else.