i hate that i used to think i had no emotions, just
because fake things like sad films didn't make me cry i let
everyone convince me that i had no feelings. obviously i knew
they were existant but somewhere along the way i started telling
myself "this isn't you" when i did start to feel
sad or sensitive over something. and so my threshold grew a
little larger each time. but it all comes out in bursts. on the
bus back tears came, i didn't even know why. bottled up
feelings are weird like that. i say i don't know the reason,
it's becauses there's so many i can't pinpoint one.
the main thing that's been getting to me lately is my closest
friend's opinion on depression and suicide. we got on the
topic somehow and she just brushed it off, saying "i thought
it was sad at first but they should just pull through it".
She's my closest friend, but she lost a lot of my respect
after that. i really value respect. i can hate someone but have
respect for them. She noticed i've been distant after that
and i suspect that she suspects i have depression...lol.
she's been checking up on me a lot and i hate it. i wish she
never said any of that it makes me feel like i will never have
anyone i can openly talk to about my mental health. i can't
even joke about wanting to die anymore without being on her
radar. ok rant over. depression isn't something i can get
over. its not a trend ffs.
