it's strange. i thought about it. if my depression
was gone what would i do? if i woke one morning and the dark veil
had been lifted...how different would i be? at this point i'm
certain it's ingrained in my personality. when i was younger,
i just thought i wasn't as excitable as others. in my early
teens i was hopeful, but didn't know what there was to look
forward to. now i just take it a day at a time. the world
isn't necessarily monotone. there's a hint of short
lived, muted colours. flashes of highligher yellows when i'm
in a weird mood. it's strange that i consider my happy
moments weird. i think that's telling.